Jokes Journal

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Tell the Truth
2) Today’s Opportunities
3) Yet Another Witness

The Judge asked the defendant, “Mr. Jones, do you
understand that you have sworn to tell the truth,
the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”

“I do.”

“Now what do you say to defend yourself?”

“Your Honor, under those limitations… nothing.”

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At a trial, a lawyer was putting witnesses through
an exacting cross-examination, and was taking
great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that
they did not remember every single detail of a
car accident.

While the lawyer knew that no witness has a perfect
memory, he had honed a skill in exploiting minor
inconsistencies and lapses of memory in order to
challenge the credibility of honest witnesses.

After a series of scathing cross-examinations, he was
looking forward to his examination of yet another witness.

“Did you actually see the accident?” he asked.

The witness responded with a polite, “Yes, sir.”

“How far away were you when the accident
happened?”

“I was thirty-four feet, seven and three quarters inches
away from the point of collision.”

“Thirty-four feet, seven and three quarter inches?”
the lawyer asked, sarcastically, “Do you expect us to
believe that your memory is so good, and your sense
of distance is so precise, that months after the accident
you can come into court and give that type of detail?”

The witness was unphased. “Sir, I had a hunch that
some obnoxious, know-it-all lawyer would ask me
the distance, and would try to make it seem like I was
lying if I could not give an exact answer. So I got a
tape measure, and measured out the exact distance …”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.