Jokes Journal

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Best Violins
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Holiday Shopping

Three violin manufactures have all done business for years
on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy.

After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop
decided to put a sign in the window saying:

“We make the best violins in Italy.”

The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign
in their window proclaiming:

“We make the best violins in the world.”

Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out
at their shop saying:

“We make the best violins on the block.”

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A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most
expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the
check out counter where she told the check out girl,
“Nothing but the best for my little kitten on Christmas.”

The girl at the cash register said, “I’m sorry, but we cannot
sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of
old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants
proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat.”

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought
it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.

The next day, the old lady went to the store and bought 12
of the most expensive dog cookies – one for each day of
Christmas. The cashier this time demanded proof that she
now had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes eat
dog food.

Frustrated she went home, came back and brought in her
dog. She was then given the dog cookies.

The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid.
The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger
in the hole.

The cashier said, “No, you might have a snake in there.”

The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in
the box that would bite her.

So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it
out and told the little old lady, “That smells like crap.”

The little old lady grinned from ear to ear,

“Now, my dear, can I please buy three rolls of toilet paper?”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.