June 30, 2010
Too Many Instructions
Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!
In today’s issue …
1) Customers Service
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Too Many Instructions
Customers Service
My aunt passed away this past January. Her bank billed
her for February and March for their monthly service
charge on her credit card, and then added late fees
and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had
been $0, but had now grown to somewhere around $60.
I placed the following phone call to the bank:
Me: “I am calling to tell you that she died in January.”
Bank: “The account was never closed and the late fees
and charges still apply.”
Me: “Maybe, you should turn it over to collections…”
Bank: “Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been.”
Me: “So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”
Bank: “Either report her account to the frauds division,
or report her to the credit bureau… maybe both!”
Me: “Do you think God will be mad at her?”
Bank: “Do I think God… excuse me, what did you say?”
Me: “Do you understand what I was telling you…
specifically the part about her being… dead?”
Bank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor!”
(Supervisor gets on the phone)
Me: “I’m calling to tell you, she died in January.”
Bank: “The account was never closed and the late fees
and charges still apply.”
Me: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?”
Bank: “… (stammer)” … “Are you her lawyer?”
Me: “No, I’m her great nephew, but feel free to contact
her lawyer at: …”
Bank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”
Me: “Sure.”
(Later, after they have gotten the fax)
Bank: “Our system just isn’t set up to handle this…”
Me: “Oh…”
Bank: “I don’t know what more I can do to help…”
Me: “Well… if you figure it out, great! If not, you could
just keep billing her… I suppose… don’t really think
she will care…”
Bank: “Well… the late fees and charges do still apply.”
Me: “Would you like her new billing address?”
Bank: “That might help.”
Me: “Fredrickson Memorial Cemetery, Hwy 19 and
plot number 233.”
Bank: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!”
Me: “Yes sir, that’s what we do with our departed
loved ones.”
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Too Many Instructions
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
“Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter.
Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
Turn them. TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be
CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking!
NEVER! Turn them. HURRY UP! Are you CRAZY? Have you
LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you
always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT!”
The wife stared at him.
“What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t
know how to fry a couple of eggs?”
The husband calmly replied,
“I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m
driving.”
Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.
