Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Marathon Race
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) The Perfect Husband?

Last year I entered the New York City Marathon.
The race started and immediately I was the last of
the runners. It was embarrassing.

The guy who was in front of me, second to last,
was making fun of me.

He said, “Hey buddy, how does it feel to be last?”

I replied: “Do you really want to know?”

Then I dropped out of the race.

Get a BREAK now and let us present

TODAY’s OPPORTUNITY
brought to you by Priority Classified Ads

You Cannot Afford to Miss This
New program that you’ve never seen anywhere before.
WAZZUB is the first global community that pays its members
just for joining. My recommendation for Success & Happiness.
Read all the important facts about the WAZZUB Family:
http://signup.wazzub.info/?lrRef=DaRz9

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell
phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free
speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the
room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello”.

WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”

MAN: “Yes”

WOMAN: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful
leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”

MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes
dealership and saw the new 2012 models.
I saw one I really liked.”

MAN: “How much?”

WOMAN: “$80K.”

MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all
the options.”

WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing.
The house we wanted last year is back on the
market. They’re asking $950K.”

MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer,
but just offer 900K.”

WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later. I love you!”

MAN: “Bye, I love you too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker
room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: “Anyone knows whose
phone this is?”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Winning Nobel Prize
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Waiting at the Pearly Gates

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots
a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.

He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices
that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing,
looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out
to the farmer and asks him,

“Ah, excuse me mister, but what are you doing?”

The farmer replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”

“How?” asks the man, puzzled.

“Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize…
to people who are out standing in their field.”

Get a BREAK now and let us present

TODAY’s OPPORTUNITY
brought to you by Ezine Classified Ads

“Solo Ads: How to Choose the Best Newsletter”
There is a PROMOTIONAL PRICE (25% off!)
valid only for the first 3 days after the Launch
Get your NOW copy before the time runs out
(less than 24 hours LEFT):
http://www.soloadverts.com/solo-ads-best-newsletter.html

Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up
a conversation.

“How’d you die?” the first man asks the second.

“I froze to death,” says the second.

“That’s awful,” says the first man. “How does it feel
to freeze to death?”

“It’s very uncomfortable at first,” says the second
man. “You get the shakes, and you get pains in all
your fingers and toes. But eventually, it’s a very
calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of
drift off, as if you’re sleeping. How about you,
how did you die?”

“I had a heart attack,” says the first man.
“You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me,
so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly.
I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone,
knitting. I rushed down to the basement,
but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the
second floor, but found no one there either.
I went as fast as I could to the attic, and just
as I got there, I had a massive heart attack
and died.”

The second man shakes his head. “That’s so
ironic,” he says.

“What do you mean?” asks the first man.

“If you had only stopped to look in the freezer,
we’d both be still alive.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) A 92 Year Old Man
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Is God Real?

A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down
the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

At his follow up visit, the doctor talked to the man and
said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”

The man replied, “Just doing what you said, doctor:
‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful’.”

The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said you got a
heart murmur. Be careful!”

Get a BREAK now and let us present

TODAY’s OPPORTUNITY
brought to you by Ezine Classified Ads

“Solo Ads: How to Choose the Best Newsletter”
There is a PROMOTIONAL PRICE (25% off!)
valid only for the first 3 days after the Launch
Get your NOW copy before the time runs out
(less than 48 hours LEFT):
http://www.soloadverts.com/solo-ads-best-newsletter.html

An atheist professor was teaching a college class at
Alabama and he told the class that he was going to
prove that there is no God.

He said, “God, if you are real, then I want you to
knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 minutes!”

Ten minutes went by.

He kept taunting God, saying, “Here I am, God.
I’m still waiting.”

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a big
240 pound football player in the class walked up to
the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent
him flying from his platform.

The professor struggled up, obviously shaken and
yelled, “What’s the matter with you? Why did you
do that?”

The football player replied, “God was busy, so He
sent me.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) On a Deserted Island
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Old Mom

A man is stranded on a deserted island, all alone for ten years.

One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself,
“It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks,
“It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks,
“It’s not a raft.”

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman,
wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy
and says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

“Ten years!”, he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her
left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says,
“Man, oh man! Is that good!”

Then she asked, “How long has it been since you’ve had
a drink of whiskey?”

He replies, “Ten years!”

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her
right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that’s fantastic!”

Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs
down the front of her wet suit and she says to him,
“And how long has it been since you’ve had some real fun?”

And the man replies, “Wow! Don’t tell me that you’ve got
golf clubs in there!”

Get a BREAK now and let us present

TODAY’s OPPORTUNITY
brought to you by Ezine Classified Ads

Brand new special report =>
“Solo Ads: How to Choose the Best Newsletter”
There is a PROMOTIONAL PRICE (25% off!)
valid only for the first 3 days after the Launch
Get your NOW copy before the time runs out!

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman
has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the
newest member of their family. When they ask to see
the baby, the 65 year old mother says, “Not yet.”

A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the
mother says, “Not yet.”

Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?”

And the mother says, “When the baby cries.”

So they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”

The new mother says, “I forgot where I put it.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Judge’s Announcement
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Reading a Book

A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says,

“Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make.

The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15K to swing
the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me
$10K to swing the case her way.

In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5K to the
defense.”

Get a BREAK now and let us present

TODAY’s OPPORTUNITY
brought to you by Ezine Classified Ads

Do You Want LARGER ClickBank Affiliate Commissions?
Get NOW 78 pre-written emails for Clickbank products
Dollar Saver Deal!
http://tinyurl.com/78PrewrittenEmails

One morning the husband returns after several hours of
fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar
with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads
her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up
alongside the woman and says, “Good morning Ma’am.
What are you doing?”

“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that
obvious?”)

“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her.

“I’m sorry officer, but I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know
you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in
and write you up.”

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual
assault,” says the woman.

“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden.

“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all
I know you could start at any moment.”

“Have a nice day ma’am,” and he left.

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.