Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Good Eyes
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Error Messages You Don’t Want to See

A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much
worried and all strung out. She rattles off,

“Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning,
I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry
and frazzled up. My skin was all wrinkled and pasty,
my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had
this corpse-like look on my face! What’s wrong
with me, doctor?”

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes,
then calmly says,

“Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with
your eyesight.”

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An error has occurred – could be anything really.

Three things are certain: death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred?

Error: An unspecified error has occurred. Please
correct the error to continue.

Access denied — nah nah na nah nah!

Out of memory – it happens to us all eventually.

Your computer has performed an illegal operation.
The police have been informed.

Printer not ready. Could be a fatal error. Have you
a pen handy?

Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Great Steaks
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Son-in-law

A guy had told all of his friends about the great steak he’d
eaten downtown the day before. A group of them decided
to head down and see if it was really as large and delicious
as he was making it out to be.

The group was seated in the back of the restaurant. After
looking over the menu, they ordered and waited, hungrily,
for their large, delicious, gigantic steaks.

To their collective disappointment, the waiter brought out
some of the smallest steaks they’d ever seen.

“Now see here,” the very embarrassed guy said to the
waiter. “Yesterday, when I came down here you served
me a big, juicy steak. Today, though, when I have my
friends with me, you serve tiny steaks! What is the
meaning of this?”

“Yes, sir,” replied the waiter, “yesterday you were sitting
by the window.”

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A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new
son-in-law.

“I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,”
said the man.”To show you how much we care for you, I’m
making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to
do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”

The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand
the noise.”

“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well then you’ll work in
the office and take charge of some of the operations.”

“I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand
being stuck behind a desk all day.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just make you
half-owner of the organization, but you don’t like factories
and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Hammer Fall
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Marriage

Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily.

His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”

“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb
with a hammer,” said Johnny through his tears.

“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother.
“I know you’re upset, but a big boy like you
shouldn’t cry at something like that.
Why didn’t you just laugh?”

“I did!” sobbed Johnny.

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A man patted his daughter’s hand fondly, and told her,
“Your young man told me today he wanted you as a
bride, and I gave my consent.”

“Oh, Daddy,” gushed the daughter, “it’s going to be
so hard leaving Mummy.”

“I understand perfectly, my dear,” beamed the man.
“You can take her with you!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Split Luggage
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) A New Secretary

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A student was flying home to London from Edinburgh.

At the check-in, he said to the operator, “Now I want
you to send my black case to London and my blue case
to Amsterdam.”

The check-in operator replied, “I’m sorry sir, we can’t
do that!”

“Oh really,” said the student, “that’s what you did the
last time I flew with you!”

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A guy walked into his friend’s office. He found his friend
sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.

“Hey, what’s up with you?”, he asked.

“Oh, its my wife,” replied the man sadly. “She’s hired a
new secretary for me.”

“Well, nothing wrong in that,” he said, “Is she blonde or
brunette?”

“Neither. He’s bald.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Parrot Technique
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) A New Kind of Car

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see
a parrot strapped in next to him.

He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the
parrot squawks “And get me a whisky, you cow!”

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for
the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot
drains its glass and bawls “And get me another whisky,
you idiot”.

Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another
whisky but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the
parrot’s approach “I’ve asked you twice for a coffee,
go and get it now or I’ll kick you”.

The next moment, both he and the parrot have been
wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit
by two burly stewards.

Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says,
“For someone who can’t fly, you complain too much!”

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Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria.

“Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?”one asked.

“He got this harebrained notion he was going to build a
new kind of car,” his co-worker replied.

“How was he going to do it?”

“He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy,
seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from Caddy and, well,
you get the idea.”

“So what did he end up with?”

“Ten years to life.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.