Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Judge’s Announcement
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Reading a Book

A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says,

“Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make.

The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15K to swing
the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me
$10K to swing the case her way.

In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5K to the
defense.”

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One morning the husband returns after several hours of
fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar
with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads
her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up
alongside the woman and says, “Good morning Ma’am.
What are you doing?”

“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that
obvious?”)

“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her.

“I’m sorry officer, but I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know
you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in
and write you up.”

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual
assault,” says the woman.

“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden.

“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all
I know you could start at any moment.”

“Have a nice day ma’am,” and he left.

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Refill
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) A Couple of Young Boys

This guy walks into a coffee shop and asks
the waitress: “How much is the coffee?”

“Coffee is three dollars,” the waitress said.

“How much is a refill?” the man asked.

“Free,” said the waitress.

“Then I’ll take a refill.”

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A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond
off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden
jumped out of the bushes.

Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and
started running through the woods.

The Game Warden was hot on his heels.

After about a half mile, the young man stopped and
stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his
breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.

“Let’s see your fishin’ license, boy!” the Warden gasped.

With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the
Game Warden a valid fishing license.

“Well, son,” said the Game Warden. “You must be about
as dumb as a box of rocks! You don’t have to run from
me if you have a valid license!”

“Yes, sir,” replied the young guy. “But my friend back
there, well, … he doesn’t have one.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Payback
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Two Kids Are Talking

Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers
burst in. While several of the robbers take the money
from the tellers, others line the customers, including
the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take
their wallets, watches, etc.

While this is going on, accountant number one jams
something in accountant number two’s hand.

Without looking down, accountant number two whispers,
“What is this?”

Accountant number one replies, “It’s that $50 I owe you.”

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Two kids are talking to each other.

One says, “I’m really worried. My dad works twelve hours
a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom
spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I’m
worried sick!”

The other kid says, “What have you got to worry about?
Sounds to me like you’ve got it made!”

The first kid says, “What if they try to escape?”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) A Robust-looking Gentleman
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Email Notification

A robust-looking gentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive
restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy,
then he summoned the headwaiter.

“Do you recall,” he asked pleasantly, “how a year ago, I ate
just such a repast here and then, because I couldn’t pay for it,
you had me thrown into the alley like a common bum?”

“I’m very sorry sir…” began the contrite headwaiter.

“Oh, it’s quite all right.” said the guest, “but I’m afraid
I’ll have to trouble you again…”

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The personnel office received an email requesting a listing
of the department staff broken down by age and sex.

The personnel office sent this reply…

“Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one
broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few
alcoholics.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Counting Rabbits
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Hunting Flies

Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and
another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Paddy: Seven!

Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two
rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits,
how many rabbits have you got?

Paddy: Seven!

Teacher: Let’s try this another way. If I give you two apples
and two apples and another two apples, how many apples
have you got?

Paddy: Six.

Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two
rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits
have you got?

Paddy: Seven!

Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots
of two rabbits is seven?

Paddy: I’ve already got one rabbit at home …

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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband
stalking around with a fly swatter.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Hunting flies,” he responded.

“Oh! Killed any?” she asked.

“Yep, 3 males, 2 females,” he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell?”

He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.