Jokes Journal

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) The Turtle
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) The Chinese Man

A guy comes walking into a bar with a little turtle in his
hand. The turtle’s one eye is black and blue, two of his
legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together
with duct tape.

The bartender asks the man,
“What’s wrong with your turtle?”

“Nothing”, the man responds, “this turtle is very fast.
Take your dog and let him stand at the end of the bar.
Then go and stand at the other end of the room and
call your dog. I’ll bet you 5000 bucks that before your
dog reaches you, my turtle will be there.”

So the bartender, thinking it’s an easy 5000, agrees.
He goes to the other side of the bar, and on the count
of three calls his dog. Suddenly the guy picks up his turtle
and throws it across the room, narrowly missing the
bartender, and smashing into the wall.

“Told you it’ll be there before your dog.”

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This Chinese man moved into his new home in Australia.
His Aussie neighbor, being the nice Aussie bloke that he
was, decided to make him feel welcome. He went next
door to wish him welcome.

He was shocked to see the Chinese man in his nice
backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad.

“Must be a Chinese custom” he thought to himself.
Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date,
he went home.

The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the
Chinese man. When he looked through his window,
he saw the Chinese man urinate into a cup and drink it.

“Must be a Chinese custom” he thought to himself.
Deciding he could put off the welcome till tomorrow,
he went on with other stuff.

The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the
Chinese man. At his gate, he saw the Chinese man with
his ear pressed against a cow’s big fat butt.

He became angry and went up to the Chinese man.

“I’m sorry sir, I want to wish you a welcome,
but I cannot stand your crazy Chinese customs!”
he yelled in the Chinese man’s face.

The Chinese man looked confused and answered…

“Solly sir, I think you awe mistaken. These awe actually
Austwalian customs. I was told, to become an Austwalian,
you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and lissen to
boohll-sheet.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.