Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Refill
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) A Couple of Young Boys

This guy walks into a coffee shop and asks
the waitress: “How much is the coffee?”

“Coffee is three dollars,” the waitress said.

“How much is a refill?” the man asked.

“Free,” said the waitress.

“Then I’ll take a refill.”

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A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond
off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden
jumped out of the bushes.

Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and
started running through the woods.

The Game Warden was hot on his heels.

After about a half mile, the young man stopped and
stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his
breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him.

“Let’s see your fishin’ license, boy!” the Warden gasped.

With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the
Game Warden a valid fishing license.

“Well, son,” said the Game Warden. “You must be about
as dumb as a box of rocks! You don’t have to run from
me if you have a valid license!”

“Yes, sir,” replied the young guy. “But my friend back
there, well, … he doesn’t have one.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Awful Time
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Fast Drinker

“I’ve just had the most awful time,” said a boy to his friends.
“First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as
I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics,
and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy.”

“Wow! How did you pull through?” sympathized his friends.

“I don’t know,” the boy replied. “Toughest spelling test
I ever had.”

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A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.

The bartender looks at him and says, “What’ll it be, buddy?”

The man says, “Set me up with seven whiskey shots and
make them doubles.”

The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down,
then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone
almost as quickly as they were served.

Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he’s doing
all this drinking.

“You’d drink them this fast too if you had what I have.”

The bartender hastily asks, “What do you have, pal?”

The man quickly replies, “I have one dollar.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Drunken Mixup
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) How to Get into Heaven

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he
mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in
the car.

The bartender, concerned because it was so cold,
went to check on her.

When he looked inside the car, he saw a man kissing
drunk’s girlfriend.

The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.
He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good
idea to check on his girlfriend.

The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw the spectacle,
then walked back into the bar laughing.

“What’s so funny?” the bartender asked.

“That dumb Pete!” the drunk chortled, “He’s so drunk,
he thinks he’s me!”

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An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into
mischief, finally asked him

“How do you expect to get into Heaven?”

The boy thought it over and said,

“Well, I’ll run in and out, and in and out, and keep slamming
the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan,
come in or stay out!”’

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Wandering Around the Campus of a College
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Hammer Fall

A gentleman wanders around the campus of a college
looking for the library.

He approaches a student and asked, “Excuse me,
young man. Would you be good enough and tell me
where the library is at?”

The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone,
replied, “I’m sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught
never to end a sentence with a preposition!”

The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone
replied, “I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase
my question. Would you be good enough to tell me
where the library is at, dummy?”

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Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily.

His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”

“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb
with a hammer,” said Johnny through his tears.

“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother.
“I know you’re upset, but a big boy like you
shouldn’t cry at something like that.
Why didn’t you just laugh?”

“I did!” sobbed Johnny.

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Christmas Break was Over
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) 21st Birthdays

Christmas break was over and the teacher was asking
the class about their vacations.

She turned to Little Johnny and asked what he did over
the break.

“We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania,”
he replied.

“That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word,”
the teacher said. “Can you tell the class how you spell that?”

Little Johnny thought about it and said,

“You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio.”

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A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard
stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his
father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able
to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club
across the lake for their first legal drink.

So when Lars’ 21st came around, he and his pal Sven
took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out
of the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him
to safety.

Furious and confused, Lars went to see his grandmother.

“Grandma,” he asked, “it’s my 21st birthday, so why can’t
I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father
before him?”

Granny looked into Lars’ eyes and said,

“Because your father, grandfather and great-grandfather
were born in January. You were born in July.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.