Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Winston Churchill and the Photographer
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) The Army of the Lord

Winston Churchill was being photographed on his eightieth
birthday.

The photographer commented,

“I hope to be there on your hundredth.”

Churchill stared at him, puffing his cigar…

“I don’t see why not, young man. You look to be in
good health to me.”

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A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day,
and the preacher was standing at the door, as he always is,
to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and
pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of
the Lord!”

My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord,
Pastor.”

Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except
at Christmas and Easter?”

He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Christmas Break was Over
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) What Happened to Your Ears?

Christmas break was over and the teacher was asking
the class about their vacations.

She turned to Little Johnny and asked what he did over
the break.

“We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania,”
he replied.

“That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word,”
the teacher said. “Can you tell the class how you spell that?”

Little Johnny thought about it and said,

“You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio.”

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With both ears very red, Sarah went to her doctor.

The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears
and she answered, “I was ironing a shirt and the phone
rang – but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally
picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.”

“Oh dear!” the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. “But what
happened to your other ear?”

“The idiot called back!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Christmas Spirit
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Decent Crook

It was just after the holidays and the magistrate was in a
happy mood.

He asked the prisoner who was in the dock,
‘What are you charged with?’

The prisoner replied, ‘Doing my Christmas shopping too
early.’

‘That’s no crime’, said the magistrate. ‘Just how early were
you doing this shopping?’

‘Before the shop opened’, answered the prisoner.

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After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their
car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a
full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot
to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime.
To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology
and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads,
‘I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby
and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital.
Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for
tonight’s concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western
music star.’

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert
and return home late. They find their house has been robbed.
Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house,
from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading,

‘Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid
through college somehow, don’t I?’

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Happy Holidays
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Some Ideas for Your Out of Office Replies

This is the last issue of Jokes Journal distributed
in 2009 to its subscribers.

I hope we all will have a better 2010.

I wish you “Merry Christmas” and a “Happy New Year!”

See you in 2010!

Anne

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Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Writing a Christmas List
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Undergraduate

A mafioso’s son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to
Jesus. He first writes, “Dear baby Jesus, I have been a
good boy the whole year, so I want a new…”

He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws
it away. He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again,
“Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the
year, so I want a new…” He again looks at it with disgust
and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother’s room,
takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet,
and locks the door.

He takes another piece of paper and writes, “Dear baby
Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again …”

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One day, a very attractive undergraduate visited the
professor’s office. The under graduate pulled the chair
closer to the professor, smiled at him shyly, bumped
his knee “accidentally”, etc.

Finally, the undergraduate said, “Professor, I really need
to pass your course. It is extremely important to me. It is
so important that I’ll do anything you suggest.”

The professor, somewhat taken aback by this attention,
replied, “Anything?”

To which the undergradute cooed, “Yes, anything you say.”

After some brief reflection, the professor asked,
“What are you doing tomorrow afternoon at 3:30?”

The student lied, “Oh, nothing at all, sir. I can be free then.”

The professor then advised, “Excellent! Professor Palmer
is holding a help session for his students. Why don’t you
attend that?”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.