Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) White Hairs
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) The Pope Drives

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One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother
do the dishes at the kitchen sink.

She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands
of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair.

Curious, the little girl looked at her mother and asked,
“Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

Her mother replied, “Well, every time you do something
wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

The little girl thought about this for a while and then asked,
“Mom, how come all of grandma’s hairs are white?”

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After getting all of Pope’s luggage loaded into the limo
(and he doesn’t travel light), the driver noticed that the
Pope was still standing on the curb.

“Excuse me, Your Eminence,” said the driver, “Would you
please take your seat so we can leave?”

“Well, to tell you the truth,” said the Pope, “they never let
me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”

“I’m sorry but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job!
And what if something should happen?” protested the driver.

“There might be something extra in it for you,” said the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver got in the back as the Pope climbed in
behind the wheel. The driver quickly regretted his decision
when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff accelerated
to over 90 mph to see what the limo could do.

“Please slow down, Your Holiness!” pleaded the worried
driver, but the Pope kept the pedal to the metal.

Suddenly, the Pope noticed the blue light of the police patrol
in his side mirror, so he pulled over.

The cop approached the limo, peered in through the windows,
then said, “Just a moment please, I need to call in.

He called in and explained to the chief that he had a very
important person pulled over for speeding.

“How do I handle this, chief?” asked the trooper.

“Is it the Governor?” questioned the chief.

“No! This guy is even more important!”

“Is it the President?” asked the chief.

“No! Even more important!”

“Well, who the heck is it?” screamed the chief.

“I don’t know, sir,” replied the trooper, “but he’s got the
Pope as his chauffeur.

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Two Priests & a Cop
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Watermelons

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.

They were promptly stopped by a cop who said,
“What do you think you are doing? What if you
have an accident?”

One of the priest says, “Don’t worry, my son.
Jesus is with us.”

The policeman says, “In that case, I have to book you.
Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.”

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There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing
pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who
would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his
watermelons.

After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea
that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.

He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day,
the kids show up and they saw the sign which read:

“Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been
injected with cyanide”.

The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next
to the farmer’s sign.

When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed
that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his
read: “Now there are two!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Fatigued Mom
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Glad to be Drunk

The teen-aged beauty was telling a friend that
she was really worried about her mother.

The friend inquired as to the reason for her worrying.

The teen-aged beauty informed her friend that her mom
was always fatigued from staying up all night long.

Her friend asked, “What’s she doing staying up all night?
At her age, that’s not good at all!”

The beauty replied, “Waiting for me to come home.”

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A completely inebriated man was stumbling down
the street with one foot on the curb and one foot
in the gutter.

A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in,
pal. You’re obviously drunk.”

Our wasted friend asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely
sure I’m drunk?”

“Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said,
“Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Daddy’s Busy
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Angry Wife

The head of a big company needed to call one of his
employees about an urgent problem. He dialed the
employee’s home and was greeted with a child’s
whispered, “Hello?”

Perturbed he had to talk to a youngster, the CEO
asked, “Is your daddy home?”

“Yes,” whispered the small voice.

“May I talk with him?” the man asked.

To CEO’s surprise, the small voice whispered, “No.”

Wanting to talk with an adult, the CEO asked,
“Is your Mommy there?”

“Yes,” came the answer.

“May I talk with her?”

Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

“Is there another adult there?” the CEO asked the child.

“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman.”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s
home, the CEO asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy,” whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?” asked the CEO.

“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the firemen,”
came the whispered answer.

The CEO, who is now becoming very concerned, thought
he heard what sounded like a helicopter in the background.
He asked the child, “What is that noise?”

“A hello-copper,” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?” asked the CEO, now alarmed.

Still whispering, the child answered, “The search team
just landed the hello-copper.”

Now very frustrated and close to panic, the CEO asked,
“Why are they there?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled
giggle, “They’re looking for me.”

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An angry wife was complaining about her husband
spending so much time at the pub. So, one night he
took her along.

“What’ll ya have?” he asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. The same as you, I suppose,”
she replied.

The husband ordered a couple of whiskeys and drank
his in one gulp.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass
and immediately spit it out. “Yuck, that’s nasty poison!”
she sputtered. “I don’t know how you can drink this stuff!”

“Well, there you go,” cried the husband. “And all this
time you thought I was enjoying myself every night!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) An Engineer Dies
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Stupid People

An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon,
the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of
comfort in hell, and starts designing and building
improvements.

After a while, they’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets
and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and
says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there
in hell?”

Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got
air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators,
and there’s no telling what this engineer is going
to come up with next.”

God replies, “What? You’ve got an engineer?
That’s a mistake, he should never have gotten
down there; send him up here.”

Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer
on the staff, and I’m keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue you.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right.
And just where are you going to get a lawyer?”

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Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say,
“I’m Stupid”.

That way you wouldn’t rely on them, would you?
You wouldn’t ask them anything. It would be like,
“Excuse me, oops, never mind. I didn’t see your sign.”

….

It’s like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full
of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway.
My friend comes over and says “Hey, you’re moving?”

“Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week
to see how many boxes it takes. Here’s your sign.”

….

I learned to drive an 18 wheeler in my days of adventure.
Wouldn’t ya know I misjudged the height of a bridge.
The truck got stuck and I couldn’t get it out no matter how
I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop
shows up to take the report.

He went through his basic questioning … ok … no problem.
I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign … until he
asked “So … is your truck stuck?”

I couldn’t help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the
rig and then back to him and said “No, I’m delivering a
bridge … here’s your sign.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.