Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) A 92 Year Old Man
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Is God Real?

A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down
the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

At his follow up visit, the doctor talked to the man and
said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”

The man replied, “Just doing what you said, doctor:
‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful’.”

The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said you got a
heart murmur. Be careful!”

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An atheist professor was teaching a college class at
Alabama and he told the class that he was going to
prove that there is no God.

He said, “God, if you are real, then I want you to
knock me off this platform. I’ll give you 15 minutes!”

Ten minutes went by.

He kept taunting God, saying, “Here I am, God.
I’m still waiting.”

He got down to the last couple of minutes and a big
240 pound football player in the class walked up to
the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent
him flying from his platform.

The professor struggled up, obviously shaken and
yelled, “What’s the matter with you? Why did you
do that?”

The football player replied, “God was busy, so He
sent me.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) It’s Hard Leaving Mummy
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Good Eyes

A man patted his daughter’s hand fondly, and told her,
“Your young man told me today he wanted you as a
bride, and I gave my consent.”

“Oh, Daddy,” gushed the daughter, “it’s going to be
so hard leaving Mummy.”

“I understand perfectly, my dear,” beamed the man.
“You can take her with you!”

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A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much
worried and all strung out. She rattles off,

“Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning,
I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry
and frazzled up. My skin was all wrinkled and pasty,
my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and I had
this corpse-like look on my face! What’s wrong
with me, doctor?”

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes,
then calmly says,

“Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with
your eyesight.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Moving To A New Office
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Investment Counselor

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new
office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm
across the back of my seat.

I hadn’t considered the drive across town …

At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside
me became obvious, and I looked across and explained,

“I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.”

The other driver leaned out of his window.

“I hate to tell you, lady,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!”

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An investment counselor decided to go out on her own.
She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in,
and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house
counsel. The investment banker began to interview young
lawyers.

“As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one
of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal
integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward.
“Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?”

“Honest?” replied the job prospect. “I’m so honest that
my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid
back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.”

“Impressive. And what sort of case was that?” asked the
investment counselor.

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted,
“He sued me for the money.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Two Lucky Patients
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Heart Surgeon

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks
two of its most reformed patients and questions them.
If they get the questions right they are free to leave.

This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike.
They were called down to the office and left there by the
orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files.

The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for
her questioning. When Patty came into the office she was
instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor.

“Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine
you know why you are here. You will be asked two
questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go.
Do you understand all that you have been told?” said the
doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor
began to question her.

The first question was this. “Patty, if I was to poke out one
of your eyes, what would happen?” “I would be half blind
of course,” Patty answered without much thought.

“What would happen if I poked out the other eye?”

“I would be completely blind,” said Patty knowing that she
had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside
while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike’s files.

When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told
Mike what the questions would be and what the correct
answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed
the same procedure that he had with Patty.

“Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off
your ear?” “I would be blind in one eye,” he said remembering
what he had been told. This received a perplexed look from
the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that
he could figure out what the man was thinking.

“Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?”

“I would be completely blind,” he answered with a smile
as if he knew he had passed.

But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was,
he said flatly,

“Me hat would fall down over me eyes.”

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A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor
of a Harley, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon
in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service
manager to come take a look at his bike.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Doc, can I ask
you a question?”

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the
mechanic working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag
and asked, “So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open
it up, take valves out, fix’em, put in new parts and when I
finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get
a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and
I are doing basically the same work?”

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered
to the mechanic, “Try doing it while it’s running.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) What $2 Can Buy?
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Who broke down the walls of Jericho?

His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny:

Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to
spend them, what would you buy?”

“A box of Tampax,” he replied without hesitation.

“Tampax?” said the doctor. “What would you do
with that?”

“Well,” said Johnny, “I do not know exactly, but it’s
sure worth two dollars. With Tampax, it says on TV,
you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also
go skating, any time you want to.”

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The visiting Bible school supervisor asks Little Johnny during
Bible class, “Who broke down the walls of Jericho?”

Little Johnny replies, “I dunno, but it wasn’t me!”

The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny’s lack of basic Bible
knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole
incident.

The principal replies, “I know Little Johnny as well as his
whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny
said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that
it is the truth.”

Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional
Head of Education and relates the whole story…

After listening he replies:

“I can’t see why you are making such a big issue
out of this; just get three quotes and fix the darn wall!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.