Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Truck Driver
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) What do you use to feed your pigs?

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There was a man driving down the road behind
an 18 wheeler.

At every stoplight the trucker would get out of
the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door.
After seeing this at several intersections in a row
the motorist followed him until he pulled into a
parking lot.

When they both had come to a stop the truck
driver once again jumped out and started banging
on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him
and said,

“I don’t mean to be nosey but why do you keep
banging on that door?”

To which the trucker replied,

“Sorry, can’t talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries
and a 10 ton limit. So I have to keep half of them
flying at all times.”

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There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs.

One day someone went to the farm and asked the
farmer: “What do you use to feed your pigs?”

“Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that.
Why?”

“Because I am from the Animals Protection Association
and I think you don’t feed them like you should,
they shouldn’t eat wastes.”

Then he fined the farmer.

Some days later, another person arrived and asked
the same question.

The farmer answered: “Well, I feed them very well.
I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak … Why?”

“Because I am from the United Nations Organization
and I think it’s unfair that you feed your pigs like that
when there are people dying with nothing to eat.”

And he fined the farmer.

Finally, another man came in and asked just the
same question.

The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes:

“Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy
whatever they want…”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Moving To A New Office
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Investment Counselor

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new
office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm
across the back of my seat.

I hadn’t considered the drive across town …

At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside
me became obvious, and I looked across and explained,

“I’m delivering him to my doctor’s office.”

The other driver leaned out of his window.

“I hate to tell you, lady,” he said, “but I think it’s too late!”

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An investment counselor decided to go out on her own.
She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in,
and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house
counsel. The investment banker began to interview young
lawyers.

“As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one
of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal
integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward.
“Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?”

“Honest?” replied the job prospect. “I’m so honest that
my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid
back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.”

“Impressive. And what sort of case was that?” asked the
investment counselor.

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted,
“He sued me for the money.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Slow Driver
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Swimming Lesson

A woman was driving her old beat up car on the highway
with her 7 year old son. She tried to keep up with traffic
but they were flying by her.

After getting caught in a large group of cars flying down
the road, she looked at her speedometer to see she was
doing 15 miles over the speed limit. Slowing down, she
moved over to the side and got out of the clump that
soon left her behind.

She looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car.
Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car.

As he did he said, “Ma’am do you know why I pulled you
over?”

Her son piped up from the back seat, “I do… because you
couldn’t catch the other cars!”

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A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard
how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim.

“It takes considerable time and technique,” replied the
guard. “First you must take her into the water, then place
one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her
right arm and raise it very slowly…”

“This is certainly most helpful.” said the member. “I know
that my kid sister will appreciate it.”

“Your sister?” said the lifeguard. “In that case, just push
her into the deep end of the pool. She’ll learn in a hurry.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Trucker’s Revenge
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Congratulations

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A trucker was sitting at the lunch counter eating his morning
eggs and hash browns when some bikers walked in.

One walked up and put his finger in the trucker’s coffee
and said, “That’s not very hot, is it?”

Another put his finger in the trucker’s scrambled eggs and
said, “Not very fluffy, either, huh?”

After a few moments of silence, the trucker stood up,
paid his bill and left the diner.

“Not much of a man, was he?” said the first biker to the
waitress.

“You’re right about that,” she replied, “and not much of a
driver either. He just ran over a bunch of motorcycles.

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An Army major was conducting a field test when
communications went dead. Immediately, he jumped
into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the
command station.

When he and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered
their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward
and shook the major’s hand.

“Don’t congratulate me, sir,” he said modestly as he pointed
to his driver. “It was all the sergeant’s doing.”

The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant.

“Congratulations,” he said. “The major’s wife just had
a baby girl.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) White Hairs
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) The Pope Drives

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One day, a little girl was sitting and watching her mother
do the dishes at the kitchen sink.

She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands
of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair.

Curious, the little girl looked at her mother and asked,
“Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”

Her mother replied, “Well, every time you do something
wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

The little girl thought about this for a while and then asked,
“Mom, how come all of grandma’s hairs are white?”

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After getting all of Pope’s luggage loaded into the limo
(and he doesn’t travel light), the driver noticed that the
Pope was still standing on the curb.

“Excuse me, Your Eminence,” said the driver, “Would you
please take your seat so we can leave?”

“Well, to tell you the truth,” said the Pope, “they never let
me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”

“I’m sorry but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job!
And what if something should happen?” protested the driver.

“There might be something extra in it for you,” said the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver got in the back as the Pope climbed in
behind the wheel. The driver quickly regretted his decision
when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff accelerated
to over 90 mph to see what the limo could do.

“Please slow down, Your Holiness!” pleaded the worried
driver, but the Pope kept the pedal to the metal.

Suddenly, the Pope noticed the blue light of the police patrol
in his side mirror, so he pulled over.

The cop approached the limo, peered in through the windows,
then said, “Just a moment please, I need to call in.

He called in and explained to the chief that he had a very
important person pulled over for speeding.

“How do I handle this, chief?” asked the trooper.

“Is it the Governor?” questioned the chief.

“No! This guy is even more important!”

“Is it the President?” asked the chief.

“No! Even more important!”

“Well, who the heck is it?” screamed the chief.

“I don’t know, sir,” replied the trooper, “but he’s got the
Pope as his chauffeur.

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.