Job Descriptions
Monday, February 15th, 2010
Welcome to Monday’s Edition!
In today’s issue …
1) Job Descriptions
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) I Can’t Do That
Job Descriptions
1. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when
the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins
to rain.
2. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow
why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
3. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers
but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
4. An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a
plane, because that decreases the chances that there
will be another bomb on the plane.
5. A programmer is someone who solves a problem you
didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
6. A mathematician is like a blind man in a dark room
looking for a black cat that isn’t there.
7. A topologist is a someone who doesn’t know the
difference between a coffee cup and doughnut.
8. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word
document and calls it a “brief.”
9. A psychologist is someone who watches everyone
else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
10. A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.
11. A consultant is someone who takes the watch off
your wrist and tells you the time.
12. A committee is a body that keeps minutes and
wastes hours.
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I Can’t Do That
A police officer pulls over this guy who’s been weaving
in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window
and says “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”
Driver: “Sorry, officer, I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic.
If I do that, I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”
Officer: “Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the
station to give a blood sample.”
Driver: “I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do
that, I’ll bleed to death.”
Officer: “Well, then, we need a urine sample.”
Driver: “I’m sorry, officer, I can’t do that either. I am
also a diabetic. If I do that, I’ll get really low blood sugar.”
Officer: “All right, then I need you to come out here and
walk this white line.”
Driver: “I can’t do that, officer.”
Officer: “Why not?”
Driver: “Because I’m drunk.”
Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.
