Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Investment Counselor
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) An Artist, a Lawyer & a Blogger

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An investment counselor decided to go out on her own.
She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in,
and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house
counsel. The investment banker began to interview young
lawyers.

“As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one
of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal
integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward.
“Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?”

“Honest?” replied the job prospect. “I’m so honest that
my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid
back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.”

“Impressive. And what sort of case was that?” asked the
investment counselor.

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted,
“He sued me for the money.”

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An artist, a lawyer, and a blogger are discussing
the merits of a mistress.

The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with
the risk of being discovered.

The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt,
divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.

The blogger says “It’s the best thing that’s ever
happened to me. My wife thinks I’m with my mistress.
My mistress thinks I’m home with my wife, and I can
spend all night on the computer!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Captain’s Announcement
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Am I 100% Polar Bear?

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it
reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made
an announcement over the intercom,

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome
to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles.
The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a
smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax -
OH, MY GOD!”

Silence followed, and after a few minutes the captain came
back on the intercom and said,

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier;
but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup
of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see
the front of my pants!”

A passenger in the plane said,

“That’s nothing. He should see the back of mine!”

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A baby polar bear asks his mother “Mommy, am I 100%
polar bear?” The mother looks up in thought, and replies
“Well, your father is 100% polar bear, and I’m 100% polar
bear, so I’d say yes, you’re 100% polar bear.”

Not satisfied with this answer, the baby polar bear goes to
his father and asks “Daddy, am I 100% polar bear?”

The father pauses briefly, and responds “Well, your mom’s
parents were both 100% polar bear, and my parents were
both 100% polar bear, so yes, you’re 100% polar bear.”

The father then looks at his son and says “why do you ask?”

The son replies “because I’m FREEZING!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) A Proud Father
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Jesus and Moses

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife
Mother of Six in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time
to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave
as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,

“Shall we go home, Mother of Six?”

His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts
back… “Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four!”

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A burglar got into a house one holiday night. Shining his
flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice say,

“Jesus is watching you.”

He looked around nervously, shook his head, and kept
looking for valuables.

He heard again,

“Jesus is watching you.”

This time he shined his light all over, and it rested on
a parrot.

He asked, “Did you say that?”

The parrot admitted that he had. “I’m just trying to warn
you, is all.”

The burglar sad, “Warn me, huh? A parrot? Who are you?
What’s your name?”

“Moses.”

“Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot
Moses?”

The bird answered,

“I don’t know; I guess the same folks who would name a
Rottweiler Jesus …”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Four Catholic Mothers
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) What $2 Can Buy?

Four Catholic mothers are having coffee together
discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, “My son is a priest.
When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’”.

The second Catholic woman chirps, “Well, my son is a
bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say,
‘Your Grace’”.

The third Catholic woman says smugly, “Well, not to put
you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks
into a room, people say ‘Your Eminence’”.

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.

The first three women give her this subtle “Well…?”

She replies, “Whenever my son walks into a room,
women say, ‘My God…’”

“Whaaat …? What is your son?”

“My son is … a gorgeous, tall, hardbodied, muscular …
male stripper.”

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His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny:

Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to
spend them, what would you buy?”

“A box of Tampax,” he replied without hesitation.

“Tampax?” said the doctor. “What would you do
with that?”

“Well,” said Johnny, “I do not know exactly, but it’s
sure worth two dollars. With Tampax, it says on TV,
you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also
go skating, any time you want to.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Who broke down the walls of Jericho?
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Violin Practice

The visiting Bible school supervisor asks Little Johnny during
Bible class, “Who broke down the walls of Jericho?”

Little Johnny replies, “I dunno, but it wasn’t me!”

The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny’s lack of basic Bible
knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole
incident.

The principal replies, “I know Little Johnny as well as his
whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny
said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that
it is the truth.”

Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional
Head of Education and relates the whole story…

After listening he replies:

“I can’t see why you are making such a big issue
out of this; just get three quotes and fix the wall!”

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Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room
while his father was trying to read in the den.

The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching
sounds of little Harold’s violin reached his ears, he began
to howl loudly.

The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he
could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the
floor and yelled above the noise,

“For pity’s sake, can’t you play something the dog
doesn’t know?”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.