Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Where is Jesus Today?
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Living Together

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A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned
that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ
because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.
He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of
Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.

So he asked his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Johnny raised his hand and said, “He’s in heaven.”

Mary was called on and answered, “He’s in my heart.”

Robert, waving his hand furiously, blurted out,
“I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!”

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher,
and waited for a response.

The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very
long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked
Robert how he knew this.

Robert said, “Well…..every morning my father gets up,
bangs on the bathroom door, and yells ‘Jesus Christ,
are you still in there?’”

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A Jewish man lives into a Catholic neighbourhood.

Every Friday the Catholics are driven crazy because,
while they’re morosely eating fish, the Jew is outside
barbecuing steaks. So the Catholics work on the Jew
to convert him to Catholicism.

Finally, after many threats and much pleading,
the Catholics succeed. They take the Jew to a priest
who sprinkles holy water on the Jew and says,

“Born a Jew, raised a Jew, now a Catholic.”

The Catholics are ecstatic. No more delicious, but
maddening smells every Friday evening.

But the next Friday evening, the scent of barbecue
wafts through the neighbourhood.

The Catholics all rush to the Jew’s house to remind
him of his new diet. They see him standing over the
cooking steak.

He is sprinkling water on the meat and saying,

“Born a cow, raised a cow, now a fish.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) A New Hair Salon
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Fisher of Men

A new hair salon opened up for business right across the
street from the old established hair cutters’ place.

They put up a big bold sign which read:

“We Give SEVEN DOLLAR Hair Cuts!”

Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign:

“We FIX Seven Dollar Hair Cuts”

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The Walton’s invited their new neighbors over to dinner.
During dinner Mr.Walton was asked what he did for a
living.

Eight years old Brian Walton jumped in and said,
“Daddy is a fisherman!”

To which Mrs.Walton replied, “Brian, why do say that?
Your daddy is a stockbroker, not a fisherman.”

“No, mom. Everytime we visit dad at work and he
hangs up the phone he laughs, rubs his hands together
and says ‘I just caught another fish’.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) We Got It!
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) A Fishing Trip

Three statisticians went out hunting, and came across a
large deer.

The first statistician fired, but missed by a meter to the left.

The second statistician fired, but also missed, by a meter
to the right.

The third statistician didn’t fire, but shouted in triumph,
“On the average we got it!”

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Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip.

They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading
suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.

They spend a fortune.

The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything.

The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third
day.

It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation,
one of the men catches a fish.

As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy
turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one
lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?”

The other guy says, “Wow! It’s a good thing we didn’t
catch any more …

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Countering the Question
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Great Story

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him
to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says,

“Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot.
Have you been drinking?”

The man gets really indignant and says,

“Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed.
Have you been eating doughnuts?”

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“How have you managed to buy such a luxurious villa
while your income is so low?” asked the IRS auditor.

“Well,” the taxpayer answered, “while fishing last
summer I have caught a large golden fish. When I
took it off the hook, the fish opened his mouth and
said, ‘I am a magical fish. Throw me back to the sea
and I’ll give you the most luxurious villa you have
ever seen’. I threw the fish back to the sea, and
got the villa.”

“How can you prove such an unbelievable story?”

“Well, you can see the villa, can’t you?”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Happy Holidays
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Harvard Gringo

This is the last issue of Jokes Journal distributed
in 2010 to its subscribers.

I hope we all will have a better 2011.

I wish you “Merry Christmas” and a “Happy New Year!”

See you in 2011!

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An American consultant was at the pier of a small coastal
Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman
docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin
tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the
quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, “Only a little while.”

The American then asked, “Why don’t you stay out longer
and catch more fish?

The Mexican said, “Well, I catch enough to feed my family.”

The American then asked, “But what do you do with the
rest of your time?”

The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play
with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into
the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar
with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, senor.”

The American scoffed, “I’m a Harvard graduate and could
help you. You should spend more time fishing and with
the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from
the bigger boat you could buy several boats eventually
you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling
your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the
processor, eventually opening your own cannery.

You would control the product, processing and distribution.
You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village
and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC
where you will run your expanding enterprise.”

The Mexican fisherman asked, “But senor, how long
will this all take?”

To which the American replied, “15-20 years.”

“But what then, senor?”

The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part.
When the time is right you would announce an IPO
and sell your company stock to the public.
You would make millions.”

“Millions, senor? Then what?”

The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to
a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late,
fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife,
stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip
wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.