Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) On a Deserted Island
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Old Mom

A man is stranded on a deserted island, all alone for ten years.

One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself,
“It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks,
“It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks,
“It’s not a raft.”

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman,
wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy
and says, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

“Ten years!”, he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her
left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says,
“Man, oh man! Is that good!”

Then she asked, “How long has it been since you’ve had
a drink of whiskey?”

He replies, “Ten years!”

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her
right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, “Wow, that’s fantastic!”

Then she starts unzipping a longer zipper that runs
down the front of her wet suit and she says to him,
“And how long has it been since you’ve had some real fun?”

And the man replies, “Wow! Don’t tell me that you’ve got
golf clubs in there!”

Get a BREAK now and let us present

TODAY’s OPPORTUNITY
brought to you by Ezine Classified Ads

Brand new special report =>
“Solo Ads: How to Choose the Best Newsletter”
There is a PROMOTIONAL PRICE (25% off!)
valid only for the first 3 days after the Launch
Get your NOW copy before the time runs out!

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman
has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the
newest member of their family. When they ask to see
the baby, the 65 year old mother says, “Not yet.”

A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the
mother says, “Not yet.”

Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?”

And the mother says, “When the baby cries.”

So they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”

The new mother says, “I forgot where I put it.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Bill Gates in Heaven
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) A Cheap Jaguar

Bill Gates died and went to Heaven.

St Peter showed him to his house, a small cottage on a tiny
plot in the woods. The closets were full of simple but
servicable clothing, and the kitchen was stocked with
the basic needs. Bill slowly settled into a modest and
quiet life in Heaven.

One day, Bill was walking in one of Heaven’s many fine
parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit.

“That is a nice suit, my friend,” said Gates. “Where did
you get it?”

“Actually,” the man replied, “I was given a hundred of
these when I got here. I’ve been treated really well.
I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful lake.
I have a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course,
tennis courts and three Rolls Royces.”

“Were you the Pope, or a doctor who healed the sick?”
asked Gates.

“No,” said his new friend, “Actually, I was the captain
of the Titanic.”

Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately
stalked off to find St. Peter.

Cornering St. Peter, Bill told him about the man he had
just met, saying, “How could you give me a paltry new
house, while you’re showering new cars, a mansion,
and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic? I invented
the Windows operating system! Why does he deserve better?”

“Yes, we even use Windows here in Heaven,” replied
St Peter, “but, you know, the Titanic only crashed once…”

Get a BREAK now and let us present

TODAY’s OPPORTUNITY
brought to you by Ezine Classified Ads

Internet Marketing for Newbies
Complete Guide: over 120 Training Videos
http://tinyurl.com/yfkzgrf

An advert in a local newspaper offered a brand-new Jaguar
for sale for only 100 bucks.

On spotting this, a keen motorist decided to call round to
the address given. He arrived to find a very large house
in a wealthy area.

The door was opened by an attractive woman in her late
forties who showed him the Jaguar, which was indeed
brand-new.

Of course he snapped it up and after handing over the one
hundred bill asked

“Why are you selling this car so cheaply? You could
probably have got at least 50,000 for it.”

“Well,” the woman explained, “my husband died recently
and in his will he left strict instructions that the proceeds
from the sale of his car were to go to his 20-year-old
secretary…”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) A Tour of Heaven
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Recognition

An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found
themselves being given a tour of Heaven by Saint Peter.

“Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis
courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need
any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars
located throughout the area.”

“Heck, Gloria,” the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked
off, “we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn’t
heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat
diets!”

Get a BREAK now and let us present

TODAY’s OPPORTUNITY
brought to you by Ezine Classified Ads

Secret System to Make Serious Money on the Web…
I wanted to share this free internet marketing course that
I found recently. It is one of the easiest ways to profit on
the Internet that is free to start and anyone can do.
P.S. – Grab this download below before it’s gone!
http://tinyurl.com/5w2qfj6

Paul saw someone in the street he recognized as his
friend Woodall.

“Woodall,” he said, “what happened to you? You used
to be fat and now you’re thin. You used to have hair and
now you’re bald. You used to have perfect eyesight and
now you wear glasses.”

The man looked at him in astonishment.

“Listen, sir, my name is not Woodall. It’s Wain.”

“Oh!” Paul exclaimed. “You’ve changed your name too!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) No Problem!?
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Playing Golf

Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.

“I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t fit
you in for at least two weeks.”

Peter said, “But I could be dead by then!”

Receptionist replied, “No problem. If your
wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the appointment.”

Get a BREAK now and let us present

TODAY’s OPPORTUNITY
brought to you by Ezine Classified Ads

Guaranteed $2000 a month after 10 months.
No personal sponsoring required.
Live agents close sales for you everyday.
Top industry earners build your downline for you.
Money back if not making $2,000 a month after 10 months.
http://ad.trwv.net/t.pl/55111/279388

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off
for her house, where they had passionate relations all
afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and awoke at
around 8 p.m.

As the man prepared to leave, he told the woman to take
his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.
Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into
his shoes and drove home.

“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he
entered the house.

“Darling,” replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been
having an affair with my secretary and we’ve been
together all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up
until eight o’clock.”

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said,

“You lying jerk! You’ve been playing golf!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Dress Code
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Cops in Heaven

Employed by the human-development center of a corporation
in the Midwest, a young woman trained employees in proper
dress codes and etiquette.

One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man
dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her.

Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded,
“Dressed a little casually today, aren’t we?”

The man shrugged, “Yeah, well, that’s one benefit
of owning the company…”

Get a BREAK now and let us present

TODAY’s OPPORTUNITY
brought to you by Ezine Classified Ads

Start your own SCRAPBOOKING business! Don’t be the one that
has all of the resources to succeed and doesn’t do
anything about it. Scrapbooking is a $2.5 billion dollar
business. Cash in on this craze. This e-book will show you
how in an easy step-by-step guide.
Visit: http://www.TheOldProfessor.biz for more info.

St Peter is standing at Heaven’s gate when a man
walks up.

“Welcome to Heaven, my son. What did you do
with your life?”

“I was a policeman,” he responded.

“What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked.

“I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics
out of the hands of kids.”

“Wonderful my son, welcome to Heaven.
Pass through the gates.”

A few moments later a second man walks up.

“Welcome to Heaven, my son. What did you do
with your life?”

“I was a policeman,” he responded.

“What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked.

“I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways
safe for travelers.”

“Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise.”

A few moments later a third man walks up.

“Welcome to Heaven, my son. What did you do
with your life?”

“I was a policeman,” he responded.

“What kind of policeman?” St Peter asked.

“I was a MP in the Army, sir.”

“Excellent, my son … I’ve gotta take a break.
Watch the gate, will ya?”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.