Singing Bird
Friday, February 19th, 2010
Welcome to Friday’s Edition!
In today’s issue …
1) In the Beginning
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Singing Bird
In the Beginning
In the beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth.
He was immediately slapped with a class-action suit for
failing to file an environmental impact statement. God was
granted a temporary permit for the project but was
stymied with the cease-and-desist order for the Earthly part.
At the hearing, God said, “Let there be light.” Immediately,
the officials demanded to know how the light would be made.
Would there be strip mining? What about thermal pollution?
God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire.
He was granted provisional permission to make light, assuming
that no smoke would result from the ball of fire, that he would
obtain a building permit and that, to conserve energy, he would
turn the light off half the time.
God agreed and said he would call the light “day” and the
darkness “night”. Officials replied that they were not interested
in semantics.
God said, “Let the Earth bring forth green herbs and bear much
seed.” The EPA agreed, as long as native seed was used.
Then God said, “Let waters bring forth creeping creatures
begetting life; and the fowl that may fly over the Earth.”
Officials pointed out this would require approval from the
Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife
Federation and the Audubongelic Society.
Everything went smoothly until God said He wanted to
complete the project in six days.
Officials said it would take at least 200 days to review the
application and impact statement. After that there would
be a public hearing. Then there would be a 10 to 12 month
approval period before…
At that point, God created hell.
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Singing Bird
While extolling the virtues of PETCRAFT to a pet shop
owner in Manhattan, a elderly woman burst into the store.
“I want to buy a canary, but it’s got to be a good singer.
I’ve got good, hard U.S. cash, but I’m only paying for
a good singer.”
The shop owner began moving a ladder towards a small cage
on a shelf about fifteen feet up, near the ceiling of the store.
“Ma’am, I’m forty years in this business. In that cage is the
best singer I’ve ever seen.”
“Don’t think I’m gonna feel obligated to pay for something
I don’t want just because you’re climbing up a ladder like
a monkey. I want a canary but it’s got to be a good singer.”
By this point the shop keeper was coming down from the
ladder.
“Ma’am, this bird is a veritable feathered Caruso!”
Placing the cage on the counter, the bird burst into melody
after melody.
Awed the woman murmured, “This bird is a good singer.”
Suddenly in a shrill scream, “Hey, this bird’s only got one leg.”
The pet store owner was unperturbed, “Lady what do
you want a singer or a dancer?”
Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.
