Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) A Beloved Rock Garden
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Hospital Regulations

The telephone rang in the fire station office.

The duty fireman picked up the receiver.

“Is this the fire station?” asked a timid voice.

“Yes, that’s right,” replied the fireman eagerly.

“Well,” continued the voice, “I’ve just had a new rock
garden built, and I’ve put in some new plants.”

“WHERE’S THE FIRE?” yelled the fireman.

“Some of these new plants are very expensive, you know,
and …”

“Look here,” said the fireman, “you want the flower shop.”

“No, I don’t,” said the voice, “you see, my neighbour’s
house is on fire and I don’t want your firemen to trample
all over my rock garden when you come here.”

Get a BREAK now and let us present

TODAY’s OPPORTUNITY
brought to you by Ezine Classified Ads

Finally – in this economy – an option that WORKS.
This is brilliant. It is SO simple – It is darn near guaranteed
to work, it delivers a BIG PROGRAM commission.
MORE leverage than any other program out there.
A simple, proven, easy to follow system
http://www.stable5figureincome.com

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being
discharged.

However, while working as a student nurse, I found one
elderly gentleman, already dressed and sitting on the bed
with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my
help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me
wheel him to the elevator. At the exit I asked him if his wife
was meeting him.

“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom
changing out of her hospital gown.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Three Fathers
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) New Health Problem

There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room,
waiting for their babies to be born.

The first nurse comes out and tells the first father,
“Congratulations you’re the father of twins!”

He says, “Great! I am the manager for the
Minnesota Twins.”

The second nurse comes out and tells the second father,
“Congratulations you’re the father of triplets”!

He says, “That’s cool! I work for 3M.”

The third father opens the window and jumps out.

The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where’s the third
father?”

One of the other fathers said, “Oh, he jumped out the
window.”

The nurse asks, “Why?”

He replied, “He works for Seven Up!”

Get a BREAK now and let us present

TODAY’s OPPORTUNITY
brought to you by Ezine Classified Ads

What can you do with 5 bucks?
With 5 dollars, change your life. And receive a good course.
Once you make $10, you can upgrade to tier 2 to make more BUCKS
Your upgrade will be OUT OF PROFIT, NOT OUT OF POCKET!
And all future upgrades will also be OUT OF PROFIT only.
http://scrnch.me/itsonly5bucks

Mr. Jones was seventy, and he was not in the greatest
physical shape.

“What you should do,” said Doctor Marrow, “is walk
three miles a day.”

A week later, the doctor received a phone call from his
patient.

“Doctor Marrow, I did exactly what you told me to do.
I walked three miles every day, and I do feel a lot better.
But I have another problem.”

“What’s that?” the doctor asked.

“I’m twenty-one miles from home and I can’t find
my way back.

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Shirley’s Makeover
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Leaving Prison

A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills.
One day, she had a heart attack and was taken
to Cedars Sinai hospital.

While on the operating table, she had a near-death
experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?”

God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.”

Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital
and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift,
liposuction and breast augmentation. She even had
someone dye her hair. She figured since she had
another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make
the most of it.

She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last
operation and was killed by an ambulance speeding
up to the hospital.

She arrived in front of God and said, “I thought you
said I had another 30 to 40 years?”

God replied, “Shirley! I didn’t recognize you!”

Get a BREAK now and let us present

TODAY’s OPPORTUNITY
brought to you by Ezine Classified Ads

You have simply got to get in this new launch, it is called
Straightline Autobuilder! People are cycling in days.
You just need $30 out of pocket One Time.
And you will build a FANTASTIC residual monthly income
in a PHENOMENAL network marketing company
http://tinyurl.com/opp2bfee

An inmate went to see the prison doctor and was
dismayed to be told that he needed to have one of
his kidneys removed.

“Look,” said the prisoner, “you’ve already whipped out
my tonsils, my adenoids, my spleen and my gall-bladder,
and now you want my kidney? I only came to you in the
first place to see if you could get me out of here!”

The doctor was unruffled.

“And that’s exactly what I’m doing,” he answered,
“bit by bit.

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) The Old Pastor
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Working With the FBI

An old pastor lay dying. He sent a message for an IRS
agent and his lawyer to come to the hospital.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room.
As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands
and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.

The pastor grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled,
and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.
Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered
that the old man would ask them to be with him during his
final moments. They were also puzzled because the pastor
had never given any indication that he particularly liked either
one of them.

Finally, the lawyer asked, “Pastor, why did you ask the
two of us to come here?”

The old pastor mustered all his strength, then said weakly,
“Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I want to go.”

Get a BREAK now and let us present

TODAY’s OPPORTUNITY
brought to you by Ezine Classified Ads

“The $20 Perpetual Money Machine”
Just Plug It In And Let It Pay YOU!
http://www.perpetualtwenty.com

The phone rings at FBI headquarters.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this the FBI?”

“Yes. What do you want?”

“I’m calling to report my neighbor Peter Thibodeaux!
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux’s
house.

They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood,
but find nothing.

They swear at Thibodeaux and leave.

The phone rings at Thibodeaux’s house.

“Hey, Peter! Did the FBI come?”

“Yeah!”

“Did they chop your firewood?”

“Yep”

“Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden
plowed.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Can I play the piano?
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) The Blarney Stone

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital.
The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.

“Doctor,” says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up
his heavily bandaged hands. “Will I be able to play the piano
when these bandages come off?”

“I don’t see why not,” replies the doctor.

“That’s funny,” says the man. “I wasn’t able to play it before.”

Get a BREAK now and let us present

TODAY’s OPPORTUNITY
brought to you by Ezine Classified Ads

Have you ever wanted to work from home and earn a
very nice income while spending quality time with your
friends and family?
Discover how average, ordinary people, just like you
are making $275 – $485+ a DAY using a very simple,
‘done-for-you’ system and how you can too!
http://www.wealthgsc.com

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the
women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly
complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable, the food
is terrible, it’s too hot, it’s too cold and the accommodations
are awful.

The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.
“Good luck will be following you all your days, if you kiss
the Blarney Stone,” the guide said. “Unfortunately, it’s being
cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps
we can come back tomorrow.”

“We can’t be here tomorrow,” the nasty woman shouted.
“We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess
we can’t kiss the stupid stone.”

“Well now,” the guide said, “it is said that if you kiss
someone who has kissed the stone, you’ll have the
same good fortune.”

“And I suppose you’ve kissed the stone,” the woman
scoffed.

“No, ma’am,” the frustrated guide said, “but I’ve sat on it.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.