Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) The Businessman and the IRS Agent
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Who Keeps the Dog?

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The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS
agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of
$80,000 for the year.

“Why don’t you people leave me alone?” the deli owner said.
“I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place
is only closed three days a year… and you want to know how
I made $80,000?”

“It’s not the income that bothers us,” the agent said,
“but these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda
for you and your wife.”

“Oh, that,” the owner said smiling. “Didn’t I mention?
We deliver anywhere…”

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A clergyman was walking down the street when he came
upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between
10 and 12 years of age.

The group surrounded a dog. Concerned that the boys
were hurting the dog, he went over and asked “What are
you doing with that dog?”

One of the boys replied, “This dog is just an old neighborhood
stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home.
So we’ve decided that whichever one of us can tell the
biggest lie will get to keep the dog.”

Of course, the Reverend was taken aback. “You boys
shouldn’t be having a contest telling lies!” he exclaimed.

He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying,
beginning, “Don’t you boys know it’s a sin to lie?” and
ending with, “When I was your age, I never told a lie.”

There was dead silence for about a minute.

The smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said,
“All right, give him the dog.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Squeezing Lemons
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Where Did That Come From?

The local pub was so sure that its barman was the strongest
man around that it offered a standing one thousand dollars
bet that no one could beat him.

The challenge was that the barman would squeeze a lemon
until all the juice ran out into a beer glass, then hand the
lemon to a customer. Anyone who could squeeze even one
more drop out of the lemon would win the money.

Over the years many people had tried this, truck drivers,
weightlifters and all had failed.

Then one day this frail little fella with heavy rimmed spectacles
came into the bar and asked if he could try the challenge.

After the laughter had subsided the barman said that it was
only fair that the man be given a chance at the bet, so he
picked up a lemon and started squeezing.

Once he was done he handed the remains to the little man
who promptly squeezed out 4 more drops of juice onto
the bar…

Everyone looked on in amazement as the barman handed
over the prize and asked,

“What do you do for a living that has given you such
strength? Are you a lumberjack, weightlifter, what?”

“No” the man replied, “I work for IRS.”

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The navy psychiatrist was interviewing a potential sailor.
To check on the young man’s response to trouble,
the psychiatrist asked, “What would you do if you
looked out of that window right now and saw a
battleship coming down the street?”

The young sailor said, “I’d grab a torpedo and sink it.”

“Where would you get the torpedo?”

“The same place you got your battleship!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Countering the Question
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Great Story

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him
to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says,

“Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot.
Have you been drinking?”

The man gets really indignant and says,

“Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed.
Have you been eating doughnuts?”

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“How have you managed to buy such a luxurious villa
while your income is so low?” asked the IRS auditor.

“Well,” the taxpayer answered, “while fishing last
summer I have caught a large golden fish. When I
took it off the hook, the fish opened his mouth and
said, ‘I am a magical fish. Throw me back to the sea
and I’ll give you the most luxurious villa you have
ever seen’. I threw the fish back to the sea, and
got the villa.”

“How can you prove such an unbelievable story?”

“Well, you can see the villa, can’t you?”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) The Old Pastor
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Working With the FBI

An old pastor lay dying. He sent a message for an IRS
agent and his lawyer to come to the hospital.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room.
As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands
and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.

The pastor grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled,
and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.
Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered
that the old man would ask them to be with him during his
final moments. They were also puzzled because the pastor
had never given any indication that he particularly liked either
one of them.

Finally, the lawyer asked, “Pastor, why did you ask the
two of us to come here?”

The old pastor mustered all his strength, then said weakly,
“Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I want to go.”

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The phone rings at FBI headquarters.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this the FBI?”

“Yes. What do you want?”

“I’m calling to report my neighbor Peter Thibodeaux!
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux’s
house.

They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood,
but find nothing.

They swear at Thibodeaux and leave.

The phone rings at Thibodeaux’s house.

“Hey, Peter! Did the FBI come?”

“Yeah!”

“Did they chop your firewood?”

“Yep”

“Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden
plowed.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Paradise Lost
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Pay Up

Two men who haven’t seen each other for
many years meet on the street. One asks the
other how things have been…

“Wonderful, for a while,” the other says. “I had
it all: money, a magnificent house, a fast car,
the love of a beautiful woman. Then, one day,
poof! It was all gone.”

“What a shame,” the friend says. “What on Earth
happened?”

Says the other man: “My wife found out…”

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A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with
the IRS Tax Auditor who had come to review
his records.

At one point, the auditor exclaimed, “Mr. Carr,
we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live
and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an
obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to
eagerly pay them with a smile.”

“Thank goodness,” returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin
on his face. “I was afraid you wanted me to pay
with cash.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.