Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Can You Dig It?
2) Today’s Opportunities
3) A Lawyer Goes To Heaven

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Can You Dig It?
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There were two guys working for the city. One would dig
a hole, he would dig, dig, dig, the other would come behind
him and fill the hole, fill, fill, fill. These two men worked
furiously. One digging a hole, the other filling it up again.

A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn’t believe
how hard these men were working, but couldn’t understand
what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.

He said to the hole digger, “I appreciate how hard you work,
but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner
comes behind you and fills it up again!”

The hole digger replied, “Oh yeah, must look funny, but the
guy who plants the trees is sick today.”

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A Lawyer Goes To Heaven
======================================

A lawyer dies and goes to heaven. Once he reaches the
pearly gates, St. Peter approaches him and says,
“Oh, it’s you. Follow me.”

At that a white limousine pulled up. The lawyer stepped in
and they sped off. On the way the lawyer stared out the
window. First he saw someone that looked familiar.
He said, “Hey, isn’t that St. Jerome?”

St. Peter replied, “Yes, that is.”

The lawyer was puzzled by the living conditions. He was
living in a pup tent and traveling around on a bike.

They pulled up to a white mansion with a staff of twenty
and anything to entertain himself that he wanted.

St. Peter said to him, “Are there any questions you have
for me before you are left to your eternity?”

“Yes!” said the lawyer. “Why do the saints live in such
terrible conditions and mine are so great?”

Saint Peter replied, “We have had hundreds of saints but
you’re our first lawyer.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Best regards,
Anne Marie, Your Publisher

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) The Nagging Wife
2) Today’s Opportunities
3) Revenge

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The Nagging Wife
======================================

A man was driving his wife home after a night out when they
stopped by the police.

“Did you know you were speeding, sir?” asked the officer.

“No, I had no idea that I was speeding” replied the driver.

“Of course you were,” interrupted the wife.
“You’re always speeding.”

The officer looked at the rear of the vehicle.
“And did you know your brake light is broken, sir?”

“No, I had no idea that it was broken” replied the driver.

Again the wife interrupted. “Of course you knew it was
broken. You’re always saying you’ll get it repaired,
but you never have.”

The officer began to sympathize with the driver.
“Does she always talk to you like this?”

“Only when he’s drunk” said the wife.

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Revenge
======================================

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man’s
face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that
they couldn’t graft any skin from his body because he was
too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own
skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor
felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one
about where the skin came from, and they requested that
the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very
delicate matte.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded
at the man’s new face. He looked more handsome than
he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went
on and on about his youthful beauty!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome
with emotion at her sacrifice.

He said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you
did for me. How can I possibly repay you?”

“My darling,” she replied, “I get all the thanks I need
every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Best regards,
Anne Marie, Your Publisher

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Volunteers
2) Today’s Opportunities
3) Fishing Expedition

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Volunteers
======================================

On the way back to New York as I was sitting in the
Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight to Vegas
was full. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up
their seats. In exchange, they’d give you a $100 voucher
for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving
an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter
to take advantage of the offer.

About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down
grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said,

“If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who’d
like to volunteer, please step forward…”

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Fishing Expedition
======================================

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central
Park in New York and was astonished to see an old
man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed
of lilies.

“Tsk Tsk!” said the passerby to himself.

“What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over
a bed of flowers. I’ll see if I can help.”

So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked,
“What are you doing, my friend?”

“Fishin’, sir.”

“Fishin’, eh? Well, how would you like to come have
a drink with me?”

The old man stood, put his rod away and followed the
kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large
glass of beer and a fine cigar.

His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the
old man, and he asked, “Tell me, old friend, how many
did you catch this morning?”

The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a
careful smoke ring and replied, “You’re the sixth today, sir!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Best regards,
Anne Marie, Your Publisher

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Sarah and the Final Exam
2) Today’s Opportunities
3) God Grants Wishes

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Sarah and the Final Exam
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Sarah reported for her university final examination
which consistsn of “yes/no” type questions. She takes
her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question
paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration
takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing
the coin and marking the answer sheet “Yes” for Heads
and “No” for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of
the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes,
she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and
sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what
is going on. “I finished the exam in half an hour, but I’m
rechecking the answers”.

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God Grants Wishes
======================================

The night before a couple were about to be married,
they both were killed in a car accident.

They arrived in Heaven and asked St. Peter if they could
still get married.

The couple were called in to actually see God.

God spoke, “I will grant you your wish. But not right now.
It may be a few days or a few years, but I will allow you
to be married.”

Five years came and went and the couple were finally
call upon to get married.

After one day of wedding ‘bliss’, they went back to God
to see if they could get a divorce. They were sure the
marriage would not last.

God spoke, “It took me five years to finally get a priest in
Heaven. Do you have any idea how much longer it will be
until we get a lawyer?!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Best regards,
Anne Marie, Your Publisher

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Butcher Shop
2) Today’s Opportunities
3) Three Friends Go to Heaven

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Butcher Shop
======================================

It’s a summer holiday weekend, and a man walks into a
butcher shop that has a sign in the window saying, “Ground
Sirloin: 29 cents per pound.”

The man says, “I’m having a cookout this weekend. I’d like
five pounds of your ground sirloin, please.”

The butcher shakes his head and says, “Sorry. I’m all out.”

The man, disappointed, goes down the street to another
butcher shop and asks, “How much is your ground sirloin?”

The proprietor replies, “It’s $3.29 per pound.”

“Three twenty nine!?” exclaims the customer. “Just up the
street, the butcher sells it for 29 cents!”

The butcher smiles calmly at the gentleman and asks,
“Does he have any?”

“No. He’s out of it right now.”

“Well,” says the butcher, “when I don’t have any, I can sell
it for 19 cents per pound!”

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Three Friends Go to Heaven
======================================

After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for
orientation. They are all asked the same question: “When
you are in your casket, and friends and family are
mourning over you, what would you like to hear them
say about you?”

The first guy immediately responds, “I would like to hear
them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time,
and a great family man.”

The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a
wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge
difference in the children of tomorrow.”

The last guy thinks a minute and replies, “I guess I’d like
to hear them say, ‘Look, he’s moving!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Best regards,
Anne Marie, Your Publisher