Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Judge’s Announcement
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Reading a Book

A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says,

“Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make.

The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15K to swing
the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me
$10K to swing the case her way.

In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5K to the
defense.”

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One morning the husband returns after several hours of
fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar
with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads
her book.

Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up
alongside the woman and says, “Good morning Ma’am.
What are you doing?”

“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that
obvious?”)

“You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her.

“I’m sorry officer, but I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know
you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in
and write you up.”

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual
assault,” says the woman.

“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden.

“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all
I know you could start at any moment.”

“Have a nice day ma’am,” and he left.

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Jury Duty
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Getting Married

A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted
to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he
could think of but none of them worked.

On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot.
As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could
approach the bench.

“Your Honor,” he said, ” I must be excused from this trial
because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one
look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and
that dishonest face and I said ‘He’s a crook! He’s guilty,
guilty, guilty’ So your Honor, I could not possibly stay
on this jury!”

The judge replied, “Get back in the jury box. You are just
the kind of juror we are looking for — a good judge of
character. That man is his lawyer.”

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Girl : When we get married, I want to share all your
worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy : It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any
worries or troubles.

Girl : Well that is because we aren’t married yet.

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Multiple Break-ins
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Vegetative State

“You admit having broken into the dress shop
four times?” asked the judge.

“Yes,” answered the suspect.

“And what did you steal?”

“A dress, Your Honor,” replied the subject.

“One dress?” echoed the judge. “But you admit
breaking in four times!”

“Yes, Your Honor,” sighed the suspect. “The first
three times, my wife didn’t like the color.”

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A man and his wife are sitting in the living room
watching a drama about a man who lost
consciousness and went into a coma.

He says to her “Just so you know, I never want
to live in a vegetative state dependent on some
machine. If that ever happens to me,
just pull the plug.”

His wife gets up and unplugs the TV.

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Short Marriage
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Customer Satisfaction

A man and woman are having marriage problems,
and decide to end their union after a very short time
together.

After a brief attempt to reconcile, the couple goes to
court to finalize their break-up.

The judge asks the husband, “What has brought you to
this point? Why are you not able to keep this marriage
together?”

The husband says, “In the six weeks we’ve been together,
we haven’t been able to agree on one thing.”

The judge turned to the wife, “and what do you have
to say?”

“It’s been seven weeks, your Honor.”

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A woman walked up to a cash register in a sporting
goods store. She was carrying a package of white
athletic socks.

“Will you open this up so I can see how the socks
feel?” she asked.

Reluctantly the clerk tore open the package,
and the customer scrutinized the merchandise.
She handed the package back, saying, “I like them.”

Relieved, the clerk started to ring her up, until she
interrupted…

“Can I have another pack? This one’s been opened.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Contempt Fine
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Contacts

A New York man was forced to take a day off
from work to appear for a minor traffic summons.
He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour
after endless hour for his case to be heard.

When his name was called late in the afternoon,
he stood before the judge, only to hear that court
would be adjourned for the next day and he
would have to return the next day.

“What for?” he snapped at the judge.

His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and
sharp query roared, “Twenty dollars contempt
of court. That’s why!”

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet,
the judge relented. “That’s all right. You don’t
have to pay now.”

The man replied, “I’m just seeing if I have enough
for two more words…”

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A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license.
He says “Lady, it says here that you should be
wearing glasses.”

The woman answered “Well, I have contacts.”

The policeman replied “I don’t care who you know!
You’re getting a ticket!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.