Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Hammer Fall
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Marriage

Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily.

His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”

“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb
with a hammer,” said Johnny through his tears.

“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother.
“I know you’re upset, but a big boy like you
shouldn’t cry at something like that.
Why didn’t you just laugh?”

“I did!” sobbed Johnny.

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A man patted his daughter’s hand fondly, and told her,
“Your young man told me today he wanted you as a
bride, and I gave my consent.”

“Oh, Daddy,” gushed the daughter, “it’s going to be
so hard leaving Mummy.”

“I understand perfectly, my dear,” beamed the man.
“You can take her with you!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) The Rescue Team
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Little Johnny and his Teacher

Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures
of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the
slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a
sheet of snow came crashing toward him.

Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just
before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches
with him and was able to light a fire.

Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned,
a rescue team was sent to search for him.

After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave
and went to investigate.

Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled,

“Mr. Jacobson, are you there? It’s the Red Cross.”

Bristling, the harried executive called back,

“Get lost. I gave at the office!”

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The teacher wrote on the blackboard:

“I ain’t had no fun in months,” then she asked the class,

“How should I correct this sentence?”

Little Johnny raised his had and replied,

“Get yourself a new boyfriend.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Who broke down the walls of Jericho?
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Violin Practice

The visiting Bible school supervisor asks Little Johnny during
Bible class, “Who broke down the walls of Jericho?”

Little Johnny replies, “I dunno, but it wasn’t me!”

The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny’s lack of basic Bible
knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole
incident.

The principal replies, “I know Little Johnny as well as his
whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny
said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that
it is the truth.”

Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional
Head of Education and relates the whole story…

After listening he replies:

“I can’t see why you are making such a big issue
out of this; just get three quotes and fix the wall!”

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Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room
while his father was trying to read in the den.

The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching
sounds of little Harold’s violin reached his ears, he began
to howl loudly.

The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he
could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the
floor and yelled above the noise,

“For pity’s sake, can’t you play something the dog
doesn’t know?”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Great Story
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) No Ears

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“How have you managed to buy such a luxurious villa
while your income is so low?” asked the IRS auditor.

“Well,” the taxpayer answered, “while fishing last
summer I have caught a large golden fish. When I
took it off the hook, the fish opened his mouth and
said, ‘I am a magical fish. Throw me back to the sea
and I’ll give you the most luxurious villa you have
ever seen’. I threw the fish back to the sea, and
got the villa.”

“How can you prove such an unbelievable story?”

“Well, you can see the villa, can’t you?”

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Little Johnny’s neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately,
the baby was born without ears.

When the mother and new baby came home from the
hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk
with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad mentioned that if he so much as hinted anything
about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears
he would get the spanking of his life.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said,
“What a beautiful baby.”

The new mother said, “Thank you, Little Johnny.”

Johnny said, “He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little
hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes.”

“Can he see?” asked Little Johnny.

“Yes”, the mother replied, “we are so thankful; the doctor
said he will have 20/20 vision.”

“That’s great”, said Little Johnny, “cuz he’d be in trouble
if he needed glasses!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Little Johnny and his Teacher
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Mother Teresa and God

The teacher wrote on the blackboard:

“I ain’t had no fun in months,” then asked the class,

“How should I correct this sentence?”

Little Johnny raised his had and replied,
“Get yourself a new boyfriend.”

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Mother Teresa died and went to Heaven. God greeted her
at the Pearly Gates. “Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?”
asked God.

“I could eat,” Mother Teresa replied.

So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of
rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this
humble meal, Mother Teresa looked down into hell and saw
the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants,
and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet.

The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal.
Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa
could see the denizens of hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison,
and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing.

The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna
was opened. She couldn’t contain herself any longer.

Meekly, she asked, “God, I am grateful to be in Heaven with
You as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in
Heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in
the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don’t
understand it…”

God sighed.

“Let’s be honest Teresa,” He said, “for just two people,
it doesn’t pay to cook.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.