Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Wandering Around the Campus of a College
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Hammer Fall

A gentleman wanders around the campus of a college
looking for the library.

He approaches a student and asked, “Excuse me,
young man. Would you be good enough and tell me
where the library is at?”

The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone,
replied, “I’m sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught
never to end a sentence with a preposition!”

The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone
replied, “I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase
my question. Would you be good enough to tell me
where the library is at, dummy?”

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Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily.

His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?”

“Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb
with a hammer,” said Johnny through his tears.

“That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother.
“I know you’re upset, but a big boy like you
shouldn’t cry at something like that.
Why didn’t you just laugh?”

“I did!” sobbed Johnny.

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Christmas Break was Over
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) 21st Birthdays

Christmas break was over and the teacher was asking
the class about their vacations.

She turned to Little Johnny and asked what he did over
the break.

“We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania,”
he replied.

“That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word,”
the teacher said. “Can you tell the class how you spell that?”

Little Johnny thought about it and said,

“You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio.”

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A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard
stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his
father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able
to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club
across the lake for their first legal drink.

So when Lars’ 21st came around, he and his pal Sven
took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out
of the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him
to safety.

Furious and confused, Lars went to see his grandmother.

“Grandma,” he asked, “it’s my 21st birthday, so why can’t
I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father
before him?”

Granny looked into Lars’ eyes and said,

“Because your father, grandfather and great-grandfather
were born in January. You were born in July.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) What $2 Can Buy?
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Who broke down the walls of Jericho?

His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny:

Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to
spend them, what would you buy?”

“A box of Tampax,” he replied without hesitation.

“Tampax?” said the doctor. “What would you do
with that?”

“Well,” said Johnny, “I do not know exactly, but it’s
sure worth two dollars. With Tampax, it says on TV,
you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also
go skating, any time you want to.”

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The visiting Bible school supervisor asks Little Johnny during
Bible class, “Who broke down the walls of Jericho?”

Little Johnny replies, “I dunno, but it wasn’t me!”

The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny’s lack of basic Bible
knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole
incident.

The principal replies, “I know Little Johnny as well as his
whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny
said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that
it is the truth.”

Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional
Head of Education and relates the whole story…

After listening he replies:

“I can’t see why you are making such a big issue
out of this; just get three quotes and fix the darn wall!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) No Ears
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Government Employee

Little Johnny’s neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately,
the baby was born without ears.

When the mother and new baby came home from the
hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk
with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad mentioned that if he so much as hinted anything
about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears
he would get the spanking of his life.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said,
“What a beautiful baby.”

The new mother said, “Thank you, Little Johnny.”

Johnny said, “He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little
hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes.”

“Can he see?” asked Little Johnny.

“Yes”, the mother replied, “we are so thankful; the doctor
said he will have 20/20 vision.”

“That’s great”, said Little Johnny, “cuz he’d be in trouble
if he needed glasses!”

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State Government Employee sits in his office and out of
boredom, decides to see what’s in his old filing cabinet.
He pokes through the contents and comes across an
old brass lamp.

“This will look nice on my mantelpiece,” he decides and
takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie
appears and grants him three wishes.

“I wish for a beautiful castle right now!”

Shazaaam! He has a beautiful castle.

Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second
wish. “I wish to be on an island with beautiful women.”

Shazaam! He is on an island surrounded by gorgeous
women.

He tells the genie his third and last wish: “I wish I’d never
have to work ever again.”

Shazaam! He’s back in his government office…

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Police Emergency
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Little Johnny and his Teacher

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian,
Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him
that he’d left the light on in the shed. George opened the
door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in
the shed in the process of stealing things.

He immediately phoned the police, who asked
“Is someone in your house?” and George said no and
explained the situation.

Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he
should simply lock his door and an officer would be there
when available.

George said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned
the police again.

“Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there
were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry
about them now because I’ve just shot them all.”

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars,
an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up.
Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to George:
“I thought you said that you’d shot them!”

George said,

“I thought you said there was nobody available!”

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The teacher wrote on the blackboard:

“I ain’t had no fun in months,” then asked the class,

“How should I correct this sentence?”

Little Johnny raised his had and replied,
“Get yourself a new boyfriend.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.