Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Writing Home
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) A Camping Trip

One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor
about her son, a college student at the University of Illinois.

“Our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from
him we have to go to the dictionary.”

“You’re lucky,” the neighbor said. “Every time we get a
letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!”

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip.

After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for
the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes
wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

‘”Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

‘”I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes,” replies Watson.

‘”And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute.

‘”Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions
of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically,
I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that
the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful
day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all
powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part
of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment…

“Watson, you fool!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) No Ears
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Government Employee

Little Johnny’s neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately,
the baby was born without ears.

When the mother and new baby came home from the
hospital, Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk
with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad mentioned that if he so much as hinted anything
about the baby’s missing ears or even said the word ears
he would get the spanking of his life.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said,
“What a beautiful baby.”

The new mother said, “Thank you, Little Johnny.”

Johnny said, “He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little
hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes.”

“Can he see?” asked Little Johnny.

“Yes”, the mother replied, “we are so thankful; the doctor
said he will have 20/20 vision.”

“That’s great”, said Little Johnny, “cuz he’d be in trouble
if he needed glasses!”

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State Government Employee sits in his office and out of
boredom, decides to see what’s in his old filing cabinet.
He pokes through the contents and comes across an
old brass lamp.

“This will look nice on my mantelpiece,” he decides and
takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie
appears and grants him three wishes.

“I wish for a beautiful castle right now!”

Shazaaam! He has a beautiful castle.

Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second
wish. “I wish to be on an island with beautiful women.”

Shazaam! He is on an island surrounded by gorgeous
women.

He tells the genie his third and last wish: “I wish I’d never
have to work ever again.”

Shazaam! He’s back in his government office…

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) The Mailbox
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) A Rolls-Royce

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive
female neighbour came out of the house and went straight
to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back
in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the
mailbox and again, opened it, slammed it shut again.

Angrily, she went back into the house.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she
came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and
then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her,

“Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid
computer keeps saying, ‘YOU’VE GOT MAIL.’”

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A gentleman walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow
$200 for six weeks.

The manager asks him what kind of collateral he has.

The man answers, “I’ve got a Rolls-Royce. Keep it until the
loan is paid off. Here are the keys.”

Six months later the man comes into the bank, pays back
the $200 loan, plus $10 interest, and regains possesion
of his car.

“Sir,” says the manager, “if I may ask, why would a man
who owns a Rolls-Royce need to borrow $200?”

“I had to go to Europe for six months, and where else
could I store a Rolls-Royce for that long for only $10?”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Little Tim’s Goldfish
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) King of the Jungle

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his
neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster
was up to, he politely asked, “What’cha doing, Tim?”

“My goldfish died,” replied the boy tearfully,
without looking up. “I’ve just buried him.”

The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole
for a goldfish, isn’t it?”

Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied,
“That’s because he’s inside your dumb cat.”

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A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy
and mean.

He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared,
“Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”

The trembling monkey says, “You are, mighty lion!

Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows,
“Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?”

The terrified ox stammers, “Oh great lion, you are the
mightiest animal in the jungle!”

On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant
and roars, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”

Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with
his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times
leaving the lion feeling like it’d been run over by a safari
wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks
like a corn tortilla and ambles away.

The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly
and hollers after the elephant,

“Just because you don’t know the answer,
you don’t have to get so upset about it!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) The Old Pastor
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Working With the FBI

An old pastor lay dying. He sent a message for an IRS
agent and his lawyer to come to the hospital.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room.
As they entered the room, the pastor held out his hands
and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.

The pastor grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled,
and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.
Both the IRS agent and lawyer were touched and flattered
that the old man would ask them to be with him during his
final moments. They were also puzzled because the pastor
had never given any indication that he particularly liked either
one of them.

Finally, the lawyer asked, “Pastor, why did you ask the
two of us to come here?”

The old pastor mustered all his strength, then said weakly,
“Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I want to go.”

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The phone rings at FBI headquarters.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this the FBI?”

“Yes. What do you want?”

“I’m calling to report my neighbor Peter Thibodeaux!
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.”

“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux’s
house.

They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood,
but find nothing.

They swear at Thibodeaux and leave.

The phone rings at Thibodeaux’s house.

“Hey, Peter! Did the FBI come?”

“Yeah!”

“Did they chop your firewood?”

“Yep”

“Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden
plowed.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.