Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) The Escape Artist
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Useless Investigation

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo.

After recapturing the kangaroo, the zookeeper put up a
ten-foot fence. Again the kangaroo was out the next
morning, roaming around the zoo. So the fence was
extended to twenty feet. But again the kangaroo was
out the next morning.

Frustrated zoo officials built a fence forty feet high.

A camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo,
“How much higher do you think they’ll go?”

The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feet I guess …
unless somebody starts locking the gate!”

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The authorities at the docks in a Scottish town were
worried about the number of things that had been
stolen recently.

So they decided to ask the police to try and catch the
thieves.

One policeman near the entrance had to search every
worker going in and out of the docks.

One man kept passing with a wheelbarrow full of straw.
The policeman searched him thoroughly every time but
found nothing. Yet he was sure that this man was
stealing something.

Weeks later, when the police investigation was over,
the policeman met the worker in a pub.

“Listen,” said the policeman, “I can’t arrest you now,
because the investigation is over. But I’m sure you
were stealing something. What was it?”

“Wheelbarrows,” said the man.

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Traffic Light
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) The Perfect Woman

A woman driving in Brooklyn stopped her car for a red light.

However, when the light turned green again, she just stayed
right where she was.

When the light had changed several times and she still
hadn’t moved, the traffic policeman finally went over to
her and inquired politely,

“What’s the matter, lady, ain’t we got no colors you like?”

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A young man finds the woman of his dreams and asks her
to marry him.

He tells his mother he wants her to meet his fiance, but he
wants to make a bit of a game out of it. He says he’ll bring
the girl over with two other women and see if his mother
can guess which is the one he wants to marry.

His mother agrees to the game.

That night, he shows up at his mother’s house with three
beautiful young ladies. They all sit down on the couch,
and everyone has a wonderful evening talking and getting
to know each other.

At the end of the evening, the young man asks his mother,
‘OK, Mom, which one is the woman I want to marry?’

Without any hesitation at all, his mother replies,
‘The one in the middle.’

The young man is astounded. ‘How in the world did you
figure it out?’

‘Easy,’ she says. ‘I don’t like her.’

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Too Many Instructions
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Walking the Brick

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

“Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter.
Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
Turn them. TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be
CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking!
NEVER! Turn them. HURRY UP! Are you CRAZY? Have you
LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you
always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him.

“What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t
know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied,

“I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m
driving.”

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A policeman on duty saw a man with a brick on a leash.
Being the man that he was, he went over and said,
“Nice dog you’ve got there.”

The man replied, “It’s not a dog, it’s a brick, dummy!”

The policeman said “I’m really sorry for wasting your time”
feeling embarrassed and strolled away quickly.

When the policeman was out of sight the man bent down
and whispered to the brick:

“Got him there, didn’t we, Rover?”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Countering the Question
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Great Story

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him
to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says,

“Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot.
Have you been drinking?”

The man gets really indignant and says,

“Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed.
Have you been eating doughnuts?”

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“How have you managed to buy such a luxurious villa
while your income is so low?” asked the IRS auditor.

“Well,” the taxpayer answered, “while fishing last
summer I have caught a large golden fish. When I
took it off the hook, the fish opened his mouth and
said, ‘I am a magical fish. Throw me back to the sea
and I’ll give you the most luxurious villa you have
ever seen’. I threw the fish back to the sea, and
got the villa.”

“How can you prove such an unbelievable story?”

“Well, you can see the villa, can’t you?”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Two Priests & a Cop
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Watermelons

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.

They were promptly stopped by a cop who said,
“What do you think you are doing? What if you
have an accident?”

One of the priest says, “Don’t worry, my son.
Jesus is with us.”

The policeman says, “In that case, I have to book you.
Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.”

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There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing
pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who
would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his
watermelons.

After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea
that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.

He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day,
the kids show up and they saw the sign which read:

“Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been
injected with cyanide”.

The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next
to the farmer’s sign.

When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed
that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his
read: “Now there are two!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.