Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Where is Jesus Today?
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Living Together

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A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned
that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ
because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.
He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of
Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.

So he asked his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Johnny raised his hand and said, “He’s in heaven.”

Mary was called on and answered, “He’s in my heart.”

Robert, waving his hand furiously, blurted out,
“I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!”

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher,
and waited for a response.

The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very
long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked
Robert how he knew this.

Robert said, “Well…..every morning my father gets up,
bangs on the bathroom door, and yells ‘Jesus Christ,
are you still in there?’”

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A Jewish man lives into a Catholic neighbourhood.

Every Friday the Catholics are driven crazy because,
while they’re morosely eating fish, the Jew is outside
barbecuing steaks. So the Catholics work on the Jew
to convert him to Catholicism.

Finally, after many threats and much pleading,
the Catholics succeed. They take the Jew to a priest
who sprinkles holy water on the Jew and says,

“Born a Jew, raised a Jew, now a Catholic.”

The Catholics are ecstatic. No more delicious, but
maddening smells every Friday evening.

But the next Friday evening, the scent of barbecue
wafts through the neighbourhood.

The Catholics all rush to the Jew’s house to remind
him of his new diet. They see him standing over the
cooking steak.

He is sprinkling water on the meat and saying,

“Born a cow, raised a cow, now a fish.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Patience
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Denounce the Devil!

A young woman really thought she’d been very patient,
through a long period of dating with no talk of marriage.

One night her steady boyfriend took her out to a
Chinese restaurant. As he looked over the menu,
he casually asked her, “So… how do you want
your rice? Plain or fried?”

Without missing a beat, she looked over her menu
at him and replied…. “Thrown.”

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The priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey
into night.

Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil!
Let him know how little you think of his evil!”

The dying man said nothing so the priest repeated his order.

Still the dying man said nothing.

The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the
devil and his evil?”

The dying man said, “Until I know where I’m heading …
I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Friday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Contact Lens
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Four Catholic Mothers

A teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball
in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother
the lens was nowhere to be found.

Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes
returned with the lens in her hand.

“How did you manage to find it, Mom?”
the teenager asked.

“We weren’t looking for the same thing,”
she replied.

“What do you mean?”

“You were looking for a small piece of plastic…
I was looking for $150.”

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Four Catholic mothers are having coffee together
discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, “My son is a priest.
When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’”.

The second Catholic woman chirps, “Well, my son is a
bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say,
‘Your Grace’”.

The third Catholic woman says smugly, “Well, not to put
you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks
into a room, people say ‘Your Eminence’”.

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.

The first three women give her this subtle “Well…?”

She replies, “Whenever my son walks into a room,
women say, ‘My God…’”

“Whaaat …? What is your son?”

“My son is … a gorgeous, tall, hardbodied, muscular …
male stripper.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Priest and Nun at a Hotel
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Angry Couple

A priest and a nun are on their way back home from a trip
when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed,
so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel
in the town has only one room available.

Priest: “Sister, I don’t think the Lord would have a problem,
under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in
this one room. I’ll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed.”

Nun: “I think that would be okay.”

They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed
place in the room. Ten minutes later…

Nun: “Father, I’m terribly cold.”

Priest: “Okay, I’ll get you a blanket.” (He does)

Ten minutes later…

Nun: “Father, I’m still terribly cold.”

Priest: “Okay Sister, I’ll get you another blanket.” (He does)

Ten minutes later…

Nun: “Father, I’m still terribly cold. I don’t think the
Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just
for this one night.”

Priest: “You’re probably right… get up and get your
own blanket.”

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A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to concede their
position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”

“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Waiting in Line
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Walking Across Water

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are
two women.

The usher comes along and says that he has two seats
together. Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man

“Let them go first. You wouldn’t want to separate a woman
from her mother, would you?”

The man says,

“No, sir. I did that once, and I’ve been sorry ever since.”

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A rabbi, a priest and a pastor were all in a boat together
fishing.

The pastor said to the others, “I think I am going to go over
to that shore and sit down.”

So, he gets out of the boat, walks across the water and
sits down on the shore.

Then, the priest says to the rabbi, “I think I going to go
over there to join him.”

So, he does the same as the pastor and sits next to him
on the shore.

The rabbi thinks to himself, “Well, if they can do it,
so can I!”

So, he climbs out of the boat, but he falls in the water.

The pastor says to the priest, “Do you think we should
told him where the rocks were?”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.