Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Bigger Turkey
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) What’s a Tragedy?

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A woman walks into a butcher’s shop just before
closing time and asks, “Do you have any turkey?”

The butcher opens his fridge, takes out his only
turkey and puts it on the weighing scales. It weighs
six pounds.

The woman looks at the turkey and at the scales
and asks, “Do you have one that’s a bit bigger than
this one, please?”

The butcher puts the turkey back into the fridge and
then takes it out again, but this time when he puts it
on the scales he keeps his thumb on the turkey.
The scales now show eight pounds.

“That’s wonderful,” says the woman. “I’ll take both
of them, please!”

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One of the presidential candidates was visiting an
elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat
through began a discussion related to words and
their meanings.

The teacher asked the candidate if he would like
to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy.”
So, the candidate asked the class for an example of
a tragedy.

One boy stood up and said, “If my best friend who
lives next door is playing in the street and a car
comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy.”

“No,” said the candidate, “that would be an accident.”

A girl raised her hand and said, “If a school bus
carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone
on board, that would be a tragedy.”

“I’m afraid not,” the candidate said. “That’s what we
would call a Great Loss.”

The room went silent. No other children volunteered.
The candidate searched the room and asked,
“Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example
of a tragedy?”

Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his
hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, “If your campaign plane,
carrying yourself and your running mate, was struck by a
missile and blown to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy.”

“That’s right! And can you tell me WHY that would be
a tragedy?” asked the candidate.

“Well,” Johnny said, “because it wouldn’t be an accident
and it sure as heck wouldn’t be a Great Loss…”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Quiet in Church
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) A Blind Man in Texas

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A Sunday school teacher was talking to her young
pupils about how they should behave in church.

“Now,” she said, “who can tell me why you should
be quiet when you are sitting with your parents in
church?”

One little girl put up her hand.

“Yes, Jane, tell everyone why!” said the teacher.

Jane replied, “Because people are trying to sleep!”

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There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.
When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said,
“Wow, these seats are big!”

The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in
Texas.”

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar.
Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug
placed between his hands. He exclaimed, “Wow these
mugs are big!”

The bartender replied, “Everything is big in Texas.”

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender
where the bathroom was located.

The bartender replied, “Second door to the right.”

The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally
tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead,
he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming
pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting,
“Don’t flush, don’t flush!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Don’t Want to go to School!
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) A Little Slip

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Mom goes to son’s room to wake him up.

“Okay, son, time to wake up! Time for school!”

Son, in a surly mood says, “I don’t want to go to
school!”

Mother insists, “You must, son, now come on!”

Son replies, “I don’t want to go! The kids all make
fun of me. They hit me. They throw things at me!
I don’t want to go!”

Mother says, gently, “Son, you know you have to
go to school.”

“Why do I have to go to school?”

Mother replies, “Because you’re the PRINCIPAL!”

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Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself
in hell. She immediately called Saint Peter and said,

“This is Sister Margaret. There’s been a terrible mistake!”

She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said that he’d
get right on it.

The next day the nun didn’t hear from Saint Peter so she
called him again. “Please set this error straight before
tomorrow,” she begged. “There’s an orgy planned for tonight,
and everyone must attend!”

“Of course, sister,” he said. “I’ll get you out of there right away.”

Apparently, her plight slipped his mind, and the following
morning Saint Peter received another phone call from hell.
He picked up the receiver with tribulations in his heart and
started to listen.

She said, “Hey, Pete! This is Maggie. Never mind!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Who broke down the walls of Jericho?
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Violin Practice

The visiting Bible school supervisor asks Little Johnny during
Bible class, “Who broke down the walls of Jericho?”

Little Johnny replies, “I dunno, but it wasn’t me!”

The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny’s lack of basic Bible
knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole
incident.

The principal replies, “I know Little Johnny as well as his
whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Little Johnny
said that he did not do it, then I, as principal is satisfied that
it is the truth.”

Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional
Head of Education and relates the whole story…

After listening he replies:

“I can’t see why you are making such a big issue
out of this; just get three quotes and fix the wall!”

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Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room
while his father was trying to read in the den.

The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching
sounds of little Harold’s violin reached his ears, he began
to howl loudly.

The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he
could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the
floor and yelled above the noise,

“For pity’s sake, can’t you play something the dog
doesn’t know?”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Please Help the Blind
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Economics Professor

A beggar wearing dark glasses was standing outside a
railway station holding out a cap with a notice attached
saying,

“Please help the blind”.

A woman passed by and put a dollar bill in the cap.

“Thank you,” said the beggar, “that’s the biggest
contribution I’ve had today.”

“But I thought you were blind,” said the lady.

“Oh, no,” said the beggar, “I’m replacing the man who
usually stands here. He has gone to the cinema.
I’m not blind. I’m deaf and dumb.”

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An economics professor at school had a strict policy that
the hourly examinations were to be completed at the bell
and anyone who kept writing on their exam after the bell
would take a zero on the exam.

Well, one guy kept writing on his exam for a while after
the bell and then confidently strode up to turn it in.

The professor looked at him and said, “Don’t bother to
hand that paper in… you get a zero for continuing after
the bell.”

The guy looked at him and said, “Professor, you don’t
know who I am!”

The professor replied, “No, and I don’t care if your dad
is president of the United States…you get a zero on this
exam.”

The guy, with a enraged look on his face, shouted,
“You mean you have no idea who I am?”

The professor responded, “No, I’ve no idea who you
think you are.”

With that, the guy said “Good!”, plunged his exam into
the middle of the stack of other students’ exams, and did
a hasty retreat from the examination room!

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.