Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Error Messages You Don’t Want to See
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) The Store Manager

An error has occurred – could be anything really.

Three things are certain: death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred?

Error: An unspecified error has occurred. Please
correct the error to continue.

Access denied — nah nah na nah nah!

Out of memory – it happens to us all eventually.

Your computer has performed an illegal operation.
The police have been informed.

Printer not ready. Could be a fatal error. Have you
a pen handy?

Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.

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A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer,

“No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now,
and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.”

Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over
to the customer who was walking out the door and said,

“That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon.
In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.”

Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled,

“Never, never, never say we don’t have something. If we
don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way. Now,
what was it she wanted?”

The clerk smiled and said, “Rain…”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) After the New Year’s Eve Party
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) New Record

A few days after the New Year’s Eve party, a mother
was working in the kitchen listening to her young son
playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you
sons of guns who want off, get the heck off now,
cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of guns
who are getting on, get your behinds in the train, cause
we’re going down the tracks.”

The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use
that kind of language in this house. Now I want you
to go to your room and you are to stay there for
TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play
with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom
and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train
stopped and the mother heard her son say,

“All passengers who are disembarking from the train,
please remember to take all of your belongings with
you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope
your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride
with us again soon.”

She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you
just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand
luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no
smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant
and relaxing journey with us today.”

As the mother began to smile, the child added,
“For those of you who are annoyed about the
TWO HOUR delay, please see the witch in the kitchen.”

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A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the
wrong number and got a private home instead.

“Do you have ‘Blue Eyes’ and ‘A Love Supreme?’”
she asked.

“Well, no,” answered the puzzled homeowner. “But I have
a wife and eleven children.”

“Is that a record?” she inquired, puzzled in her turn.

“I don’t think so,” replied the man, “but it’s as close as
I want to get.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Monday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Holiday Shopping
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Don’t Want to go to School!

A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most
expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the
check out counter where she told the check out girl,
“Nothing but the best for my little kitten on Christmas.”

The girl at the cash register said, “I’m sorry, but we cannot
sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of
old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants
proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat.”

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought
it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.

The next day, the old lady went to the store and bought 12
of the most expensive dog cookies – one for each day of
Christmas. The cashier this time demanded proof that she
now had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes eat
dog food.

Frustrated she went home, came back and brought in her
dog. She was then given the dog cookies.

The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid.
The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger
in the hole.

The cashier said, “No, you might have a snake in there.”

The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in
the box that would bite her.

So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it
out and told the little old lady, “That smells like crap.”

The little old lady grinned from ear to ear,

“Now, my dear, can I please buy three rolls of toilet paper?”

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Mom goes to son’s room to wake him up.

“Okay, son, time to wake up! Time for school!”

Son, in a surly mood says, “I don’t want to go to
school!”

Mother insists, “You must, son, now come on!”

Son replies, “I don’t want to go! The kids all make
fun of me. They hit me. They throw things at me!
I don’t want to go!”

Mother says, gently, “Son, you know you have to
go to school.”

“Why do I have to go to school?”

Mother replies, “Because you’re the PRINCIPAL!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Beware of Dog
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Is it Love?

As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a
sign warning, “Danger! Beware of dog!” posted on the
glass door.

Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on
the floor beside the cash register.

“Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”
he asked the owner.

“Yep, that’s him,” came the reply.

The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly
doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world
would you post that sign?”

“Because,” the owner explained, “Before I posted that sign,
people kept tripping over him!”

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Bill and Steve are discussing the possibility of love.

“I thought I was in love three times,” Bill says.

“Thought?” Steve asks. “What do you mean?”

“Three years ago, I cared very deeply for a woman who
wanted nothing to do with me,” Bill says.

“Wasn’t that love?” Steve asks.

“No, that was obsession,” Bill explains.

“Then two years ago, I cared very deeply for an attractive
woman who didn’t understand me.”

“Wasn’t that love?” asks Steve.

“No, that was lust,” Bill replies.

“And just last year, I met a woman while I was on a cruise.
She was gorgeous, intelligent, a great conversationalist and
had a super sense of humor. Everywhere I followed her on
that ship, I would get a very strange sensation in the pit of
my stomach.”

“Well, wasn’t that love?” asks Steve.

“No. That was motion sickness!” Bill replies.

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Tight Shoes
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) School Daze

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes.

“How do they feel?” asks the sales clerk.

“Well, they feel a bit tight.” replies the man.

The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the
shoes and the mans feet.

“Try pulling out on the tongue.” offers the clerk.

“Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth.” he says.

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A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting
to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to
send him to a Catholic school.

After the first day of school, their son comes racing into
the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door
shut.

Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his
room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk
doing his homework.

The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end
of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it
to his mom and dad. Looking at it they see under math an A+.

Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son,
“What changed your mind about learning math?”

The son looked at mom and dad and said, “Well, on the first
day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to
the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher’s
desk and I knew they meant business.”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.