Welcome to Wednesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Quiet in Church
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) A Blind Man in Texas

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A Sunday school teacher was talking to her young
pupils about how they should behave in church.

“Now,” she said, “who can tell me why you should
be quiet when you are sitting with your parents in
church?”

One little girl put up her hand.

“Yes, Jane, tell everyone why!” said the teacher.

Jane replied, “Because people are trying to sleep!”

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There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.
When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said,
“Wow, these seats are big!”

The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in
Texas.”

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar.
Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug
placed between his hands. He exclaimed, “Wow these
mugs are big!”

The bartender replied, “Everything is big in Texas.”

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender
where the bathroom was located.

The bartender replied, “Second door to the right.”

The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally
tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead,
he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming
pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting,
“Don’t flush, don’t flush!”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) God Sent Moses Behind the Enemy Lines …
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Marriage and Men

Nine-year-old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had
learned in Sunday school.

“Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind
enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of
Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build
a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.

Then, he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent
bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were
saved.”

“Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?”
his mother asked.

“Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did,
you’d never believe it!”

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- When a man decides to marry, it may be the last decision
he’ll ever make.

- Some men who speak with authority at work know enough
to bow to a higher authority at home.

- A dish towel will certainly wipe the contented look
off a married man’s face.

- Love is the quest, marriage is the conquest, divorce is
the inquest.

- An engagement is an urge on the verge of a merge.

- Marriage brings music to a man’s life. He learns to play
second fiddle.

- Getting married is one mistake every man should make.

- A well-informed man is one whose wife has just told him
what she thinks of him.

- Courtship, unlike proper punctuation, is a period before
a sentence.

- Before criticizing your wife’s faults, you must remember
it may have been these very defects which prevented her
from gettting a better husband that the one she married!

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) What’s my problem?
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) A Proper Lady

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he
hasn’t been feeling well.

The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes
back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor says:

“Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you
get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after
lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill
with another big glass of water.”

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers:

“Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?”

Doctor says, “You’re not drinking enough water.”

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The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services
and taught Sunday School every week. On one Sunday,
an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew
right behind her.

He noted what a fine looking woman she was. While they
were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and
said, “Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday?”

“Yes, that would be nice,” the lady responded.

Well, the gentleman couldn’t believe his luck.

On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the
finest restaurant in that part of South Carolina.

When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at
her and suggested, “Would you like a cocktail before
dinner?”

“Oh, no,” said our circumspect fine example of southern
womanhood, “What ever would I tell my Sunday School
class?”

Well, our gentleman was setback a bit, so he didn’t say
much until after dinner. When he pulled out a pack of
cigarettes and asked, “Would you like a smoke?”

“Oh my goodness no!,” said the woman “I couldn’t face
my Sunday School class if I did.”

Our boy felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his
car and as he was driving the lady’s home, they passed
the local Holiday Inn.

He’d been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured
he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with,

“Ahhh, mmm, how would you like to stop at this motel?”

“Sure, that would be nice,” she said in anticipation.

The gentleman couldn’t believe his ears, and did a fast
U turn right then and there and drove back to the motel
and checked in.

The next morning after a wild and passionate night,
the gentleman awoke first. He looked at the lovely
Dixie darling lying there in the bed and with remorse
thought, “What have I done?”

He shook her awake and pleaded, “I’ve got to ask you
one thing, whatever are you going to tell your
Sunday School class?”

The lady said, “The same thing I always tell them…

‘You don’t have to smoke and drink to have a
good time’”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Tuesday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Excellent Poem
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Where is Jesus Today?

A professor asked a student to remain for
a few moments after class.

Holding out the young man’s assignment,
the professor said,

“Did you write this poem all by yourself?”

The student said, “Every word of it.”

The professor said, “Well, then, I’m glad
to meet you, Mr.Poe. I thought you were
long dead.”

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A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was
concerned that his students might be a little
confused about Jesus Christ because of the
Christmas season emphasis on His birth.
He wanted to make sure they understood that
the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago,
that He grew up, etc.

So he asked his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Johnny raised his hand and said, “He’s in Heaven.”

Mary was called on and answered,
“He’s in my heart.”

Robert, waving his hand furiously, blurted out,
“I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!”

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the
teacher, and waited for a response.

The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very
long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked
Robert how he knew this.

Robert said, “Well…..every morning my father
gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells
‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?’”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.

Welcome to Thursday’s Edition!

In today’s issue …

1) Church Etiquette
2) Today’s Opportunity
3) Borrowing

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children,
as they were on the way to church service,

“And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

One bright little girl replied,

“Because people are sleeping…”

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Every time Bob’s neighbor came over, it was to borrow
something that Bob would likely never see again.

Bob hated saying no, but as he watched his neighbor
approach one Saturday morning, Bob promised himself
that this time he would not give in so easily.

“Er, I wonder if you’d be using your power saw this
morning,” the neighbor began.

“Gee, I’m awfully sorry,” said Robinson with a smug look.
“As a matter of fact, I’ll be using it off and on all day.”

“And your lawn mower?”

“Sorry, the grass needs to be cut today too.”

“What about your hedge clippers?” the neighbor asked.

“I have plans for those as well. As you can see,”
Bob continued, “I have a list of chores a mile long and
I will need all my tools all day.”

“Great!” said the neighbor. “I was coming over to
borrow your golf clubs. Isn’t it convenient you won’t
have any time to use them today?”

Thank you for reading today’s issue of JOKES Journal.