Congress Meme: If pro is the opposite of con, is the Congress the opposite of progress?

Bill O’Reilly Calls President Obama

Congress Meme: If pro is the opposite of con, is the Congress the opposite of progress?

Bill O’Reilly calls President Obama and asks him what he’d like most for the holidays.

“I couldn’t possibly accept gifts in my position,” said Obama.

The TV host insists and said he could ask for anything, no matter how big or small.

“Well,” said Obama, “If you insist I suppose I could accept a dozen Titleist Pro V1’s (golf balls). My game is off and lately I seem to be loosing my balls.”

A month later the President is watching TV when the O’Reilly says, “A while back we asked a number of world leaders what they’d like most for the holidays. Francois Hollande said he’d like universal peace. Angela Merkel said she would like prosperity for the world’s poor. And President Obama said he needed balls.”

I’m a US Congressman!

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Give me your money,” he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!”

“In that case,” replied the robber, “Give me MY money!”

Political Humor Gifts

Career Path

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career path, so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren’t at home.

The father told the mother, “If he takes the money, he will be a businessman. If he takes the Bible, he will be a priest. But if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I’m afraid our son will be a drunkard.”

So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously, peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home.

He saw the note they had left, saying they’d be home later. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality, then he left for his room carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said, “Damn! It’s even worse than I ever imagined.”

“What do you mean?” his wife inquired.

“He’s gonna be a politician.” the father replied.

Receive Jokes

No spam guarantee.

Udimi Solo Ad Marketplace
Top Funniest JokesJokes Categories
The Very Latest in High-powered Vacuum Cleaners
A Customer, a Clerk and the Store Manager
Feeding the Pigs
The Farmer Wants a Divorce
A Man Hated His Wife's Cat
There Once Was a Flood
A Nice Old Fashioned Lady
The Little Old Lady and the Cash Register Girl
Could Noah Build His Ark Today?
God and the Beginning of Time
Napoleon and Josephine
Medical Humor
Political Humor
Sport Humor
Religious Humor
Holiday Humor
Animal Humor
Relashionship Humor
Parenting Humor
Education Humor
Legal Humor
Work/Office Humor