Kathy said to her friend, “I just don’t understand the attraction golf holds for men.”
“TELL me about it!” Vickie replied. “I went golfing with John one time, and he told me I asked too many questions!”
One day, a priest and a nun went golfing. The priest seemed to have an extremely foul mouth for a priest. He was first to putt.
“God damnit, I missed!” exclaimed the priest.
This upset the nun. She replied, “If you say that two more times, God will send a bolt of lightning down from the sky at you!”
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
“If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour.”
Bill Gates continued, “Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.”
Five surgeons are discussing who are the best types of patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on
my operating table, because when you open them up,
everything inside is numbered.”
The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try
electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.”
The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians
are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical
The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like
construction workers… those guys always understand
when you have a few parts left over at the end, and
when the job takes longer than you said it would.”
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed:
“You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to
operate on. There are no guts, no heart, and no spine,
and the head and butt … are interchangeable.”
Negotiations between union members and their employer
were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers
were flagrantly abusing their contract’s sick-leave provisions.
One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief
negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper,
“This man,” he announced, “called in sick yesterday!”
There, on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly
ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament
with an excellent score.
A union negotiator broke the silence in the room. “Wow,” he said. “Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn’t been sick!”