Kathy said to her friend, “I just don’t understand the attraction golf holds for men.”
“TELL me about it!” Vickie replied. “I went golfing with John one time, and he told me I asked too many questions!”
One day, a priest and a nun went golfing. The priest seemed to have an extremely foul mouth for a priest. He was first to putt.
“God damnit, I missed!” exclaimed the priest.
This upset the nun. She replied, “If you say that two more times, God will send a bolt of lightning down from the sky at you!”
Welcome to Monday’s Edition of the Jokes Journal!
In today’s issue:
1) Drinking, Gambling, and Golf
2) Walking Down the Street
A man was walking in the city, when he was
accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking
bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted two dollars
and asked, “If I gave you this money, will you take
it and buy whiskey?”
“No, I stopped drinking years ago,” the bum said.
“Will you use it to gamble?”
“I don’t gamble. I need everything I can get just
to stay alive.”
“Will you spend the money on greens fees at a
“Are you NUTS! I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”
The man said, “Well, I’m not going to give you
two dollars. Instead, I’m going to take you to
my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”
The bum was astounded.
“Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that?
I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad.”
The man replied, “That’s okay. I just want her to see
what a man looks like who’s given up drinking,
gambling, and golf.”
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks,
“And now what, my little man?”
To which the boy replies,
“Now we run!”
Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.
“If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades,” boasts Gates, “you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour.”
Bill Gates continued, “Or, you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case, the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50.”