Thank God I Brought My Umbrella

There Once Was a Flood

Thank God I Brought My Umbrella There once was a flood and everyone had reached safety except for one man.

He climbed to the top of his house with the water lapping at his feet.

A helicopter flew over his head and hung down a rope for him to climb, but the man was deeply religious and said,

“It’s alright! The Lord will save me!”

So the helicopter flew away. The water continued to rise and a boat came to him but, once again, the man shouted,

“No! Go AWAY! the Lord will come and save me!” and, once again, the boat sped off.

The water was getting dangerously deep by now so the helicopter came back and, on cue, the man repeated, “I don’t need saving! My Lord will come”.

Reluctantly, the helicopter left.

The rain continued to pour, the water continued to rise and the man drowned.

At the gates of Heaven, the man met St Peter. Confused, he asked, “Peter, I have lived the life of a faithful man – why did my Lord not rescue me?”

St. Peter replied, “For pity sake! He sent you two helicopters and a boat!”

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Asking for a Second Opinion

This guy was climbing a tree when suddenly he slipped. He grabbed at a branch and was hanging in mid air.

After an hour, he felt himself getting exhausted and looked up to the heavens and cried out: “God, help me! Please, help me!”

All of a sudden the clouds parted and a voice boomed out from on high. “Let Go!” said the voice.

The guy paused, looked up at heaven once more, and said: “Is there anyone else up there?”

The Pious Man and the Atheist

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.

However, the atheist’s life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man’s job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn’t give him the time of the day.

So one day, deep in prayer as usual, the pious man raised his eyes towards heaven and asked:

“Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbor, who doesn’t even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?”

And a great voice was heard from above…

“Because he doesn’t bother me all the time!”

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